Being Santana Lopez
by TALKS
Summary: *Falling out of love isn't easy* - Santana is a college psych professor at NYU that meets her girlfriend, Brittany, a flight attendant, on a flight to Arizona. Santana thinks she's found the perfect woman until one moment changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a one shot I had on my mind...could be a full story, but we'll see. ;)**

**Enjoy ;)**

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My name is Santana Marie Lopez, I'm a psychology professor at New York University. I'm originally from Scottsdale, Arizona where my dad is the top chiropractic in the state and my mom is CEO of a software company, so it's safe to say I had a very privileged childhood. I graduated top of my high school class with a perfect 4.0 grade point average which earned the coveted title of class valedictorian; that along with writing for the school newspaper, being captain of the volleyball team, and working as a mentor helped me earn a full academic scholarship to NYU, where I majored in childhood psychology and minored in education. I started off my collegiate endeavors with the desire to become a psychologist, but after working as a tutor I fell in love with teaching and decided to pursue that alongside with my creepy obsession of the mind.

After graduating from NYU, magna cum laude, I got my masters and doctorate in education from Georgetown University, a few weeks after graduating I was offered a position at NYU, and although I absolutely loved living in DC my heart belonged to New York, after all it was were I changed from Santana the teenager to Santana the adult. I fell in love in New York and fell out of love in New York, but I just couldn't stay away from the city; so here I am 28 years old and back to being a NYC gal. I own a cute apartment in Manhattan, drive a bright red BMW, and am dating the most awesome woman in the world, Brittany.

Brittany is a flight attendant I met almost 6 months on a trip back home to visit my parents, she kept sneaking me extra snacks and gave me the full can of Coke instead of filing up the cup with ice and giving the customary drop of soda most flight attendants give you. I fell asleep on the flight and woke up to a pillow under my neck and a blanket tossed on me, I looked around in confusion just as she was walking past and winked at me, so I knew it was from her. As everyone was leaving the plane I waited around and folded up the blanket to give back to her personally and to thank for her all the extra special hospitality. I asked if she was from Arizona, she said she wasn't, it took all of 30 seconds for me to scribble down my number to give her. I told her if she was free that night to text me and I would take her out for a drink. After dinner with my parents, aunts, and uncles Brittany texted me saying she was free since she wasn't flying out again until the morning. We went to dinner, had a few drinks, and ended up having mind-blowing sex back at her hotel.

I assumed it was just a hook up since I didn't hear from Brittany for almost 2 weeks after that. I was sitting in my condo watching a movie with my best friend, Mercedes, when Brittany called and asked if I was free. I told her I was and asked how long she would be in New York, she told me she lived in New York and my heart went into overdrive. I don't fall in love easy, well aside from the time I _thought _I loved Quinn Fabray, my sorority sister, that ended horribly, but we've managed to remain civil whenever we see each other. There was something about Brittany that was special, I thought about her constantly in those two weeks, but sometimes my pride gets in the way, so I didn't call her, even though Mercedes and her annoying roommate Kurt, a fashion merchandiser at Vogue, pestered me about it constantly.

Brittany came over that night, we watched movies before getting into a super intense make out session which surprisingly didn't lead to sex, it instead led to her giving me a plane ticket to fly to Los Angeles with her, where we spent the weekend together, since it was summer I was able to drop everything and go. That became our thing, Brittany would fly me to different cities with her, which worked perfectly for me because I loved to travel, I loved to travel for _free_, and I was falling in love with Brittany all at the same time.

I learned that she is originally from Florida but moved to New York to study film, she became a flight attendant as a part time job but loved it so much that she has dedicated her life, as she states, to flying around the world. I admire her for following her true dream; she has so many stories to tell from people she's come across both flights and just exploring different cities. Our trips are filled with laughs, fun, drinks, and amazing sex; I couldn't be happier. We professed our love for each other exactly one month ago today in Wisconsin, sounds boring but we hung out on Lake Michigan, we went on a champagne brunch boat ride early one Sunday morning. I turned to face her and blurted it out nervously, but all my nerves fell in the lake when she whispered it back with tears in her eyes. I've been on cloud 9 since then.

I haven't seen her in over a week, she's been working like crazy, and I've been getting ready for the new semester so I decided against her request to fly with her to Texas. She comes home tonight, so I'm cooking a big welcome home dinner, I have candles lit, wine, and new raspberry vanilla flavored body oil to give her a massage, I miss her so much.

I pull out plates from the cupboard when there's a knock on my apartment door. I smooth down my short and extremely too tight navy blue dress and head to the door. I glance in the mirror by the door and check my make up and hair before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

"Hey baby, I missed you so much." I tell her as I hug her tightly.

"I missed you too." Brittany replies with a big smile before pulling me into a big kiss.

"Come on in." I tell her. "Dinner is ready, I just need to plate it for us."

"It smells so amazing." She sighs out. "I love a good home cooked meal." She adds as she takes her boots off and allows me to lead her to the living room.

"Do you want to take a quick shower?" I tell her.

"Do you mind if I wash this flight off quick?" She asks while hugging me from behind and kissing me on my neck, great decision on my part to have my hair pinned up.

I turn in her arms. "Go right ahead." I smile before kissing her quickly on the lips and rubbing her back.

"Ok, I'll be quick." She smiles as she heads to the bathroom.

I go back to the kitchen and smile when the couscous is finally done. I slide the salmon I marinated in honey, soy sauce, and a little olive oil before grilling on the stove, onto our plates and top it with a fresh mango, kiwi, and cilantro relish. I then add a scoop of couscous to our plates and set them on the table. I pour our wine and look around to make sure everything is perfect.

Brittany comes to the living room in a pair of tight jeans and a oversized sweater, her hair is still damp, so it's super curly and her eyes are the bluest I've ever seen them. I walk over to her and kiss her, I just have to, she looks so beautiful right now.

"So how were your flights?" I ask her as we begin to eat.

"Crazy." She laughs out. "This lady on a flight from Houston to Seattle started going through daughters phone and found out she was having sex and was now 3 months pregnant."

"Shit!" I say as my eyes widen. "Tell me your joking!" I demand.

"No, I wish." Brittany smiles. "They basically argued the entire flight, well more like the mother yelling."

"Whoa." I smile. "I would be livid too."

"Do you think the mom should have been going through her daughters phone?" Brittany asked while taking a drink of her wine.

"See, I'm torn there, I don't believe in going through anyone's phone." I tell her while eating a piece of salmon.

"You've never gone through my phone?" Brittany asks.

"Never." I reply while shaking my head.

"Cool." Brittany shrugs.

I narrow my eyes at her. "Do you go through my phone?" I then ask her.

"Nope." Brittany smiles.

"Oh." I reply softly, I don't know why she's being so weird right now; I would never go through her phone. I trust her completely. I shrug it off and take a sip of wine. "If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it." I add. "So if you're looking through your significant other's phone or through a child's phone, you are looking for something wrong, when you find it you can't really get mad at anyone but yourself."

"Interesting way to think about it." Brittany says softly. "Enough about my job, let's talk about your job, any interesting lessons you have planned out?"

I smile and nod. "Yeah I actually am going to use Winnie The Pooh characters to talk about mental disorders."

Brittany's eyes widen. "Seriously?"

I like to use different cartoons that I know my students have seen in my lessons, last semester I used the Peanuts characters and this semester I plan on using Winnie The Pooh.

"Tell me more." Brittany asks while taking her last bite of salmon and smiling.

Brittany is always so interested in my lesson plans, its exciting to have someone to be a total geek with, Mercedes and Kurt only listen for so long before I can tell they are falling asleep with their eyes open.

"Grab your wine and meet me on the couch." I smile while grabbing our plates and taking them to the kitchen. I grab the slice of pie I got for us to share from Cheesecake Factory and two forks before joining Brittany on the couch.

"Dinner was amazing." She says while leaning forward and kissing me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome baby." I reply.

"Ok, so lay it on me." She smiles while sitting Indian style on the couch to face me.

I hold up a forkful of pie to her mouth. "Well Winnie the Pooh has ADHD, but the inattentive subtype, he's careless and indifferent towards his friends. He has OCD, he's always counting and it's super repetitive, and he has an obsessive disorder, we all know how he loves his honey." I finish up as I eat a forkful of pie.

"Interesting." Brittany nods. "What about Piglet?"

"He has classic anxiety." I tell her. "He's usually stressed and has low self esteem, and his stutter is a sign of irrational anxiety."

"Eeyore?" She asks with a smile.

"Depression, he is so negative and so is his outlook on life." I tell her.

"Kanga Roo?"

"Social anxiety disorder, she's an overprotective mother, she never let her kids do anything, she controlled them, she basically suffocated them to an extent."

"This is so amazing." Brittany smiles while grabbing the fork and feeding me a bite of pie. "What about owl?"

I lick my lips and swallow the pie in my mouth; I then take a sip of wine and clear my throat. "Dyslexia, but he doesn't let it hinder him, he's still very bright and smart."

"So I'm guessing Tigger has ADHD too?" Brittany asks.

"Bingo." I nod. "He is super hyper and impulsive, he doesn't turn down any challenge and it's hard to calm him down. Rabbit is OCD too, he over organizing everything and is obsessed with having things in a specific order."

"So that leaves Christopher Robbin." Brittany states will eating another bite and holding the last bite to my mouth.

"He's schizophrenic. " I tell her after eating my pie. "His imagination is so vivid that he really thinks these animals are real and are his friends, but they could also represent all his true feelings, he's a kid, so he's still getting a feel for the world."

"Wow, I would love to come to one of your classes." Brittany smiles. "You're so smart Santana."

"Thank you baby." I tell her as I lean forward and kiss her softly, I feel Brittany deepen the kiss and start to lean me back on the couch.

"You look amazing in this dress." She says while running her hands up and down my sides while hovering over me and planting soft kisses to my lips.

"I bet it looks amazing on the floor too." I laugh out.

"I'm sure it does." Brittany smiles as she slowly slides her hands up my thighs, massaging slowly as she goes.

I lift her shirt off of her and begin to kiss down her neck as she hikes my dress up and kisses on my thighs. She stops only long enough to get my dress off so I'm lying in my bra and panties. I slowly unbutton her jeans and slide them down with her panties and run my finger though her before sticking it in my mouth.

"Mmmmmm. I've missed that." I smile as she pulls my panties down and begins to rock on my thigh slowly while kissing me. I wrap my arms tightly around her, craving every inch of her skin I can tough.

Brittany suddenly stops and picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. She takes her bra off quickly after laying me on the bed, I follow suit and take mine off as she opens my legs and begins to lick me slowly to build me up. She stops right when I'm about to burst and crawls back on me and begins to rock into me nice and slow.

Sex with Brittany is always so amazing, she slow and sensual, it's almost like she is worshipping my body, she handles me with such care. We've only had rough aggressive sex like once or twice, it was in Vegas after a night of BlackJack and whiskey.

"Brittany, I love you." I moan out in her neck as she slowly picks up the rhythm.

"I love you too." She whispers softly in my ear before brushing her lips against the shell and sighing in contentment.

"I'm close." She pants out in my ear as she starts to rock faster while hiding her face in my neck. I hold her tighter while rubbing her now sweaty back.

"I'm coming Brit!" I scream out as my body tenses and I lock my legs around her waist. She nods against my neck and moves faster before I feel her ooze down my thigh as she whimpers in my ear and shakes slightly.

She then lifts her head and begins to kiss all over my face softly before locking eyes with me and pulling me into a passionate kiss.

"Thank you for that." She whispers before rolling next to me and slowly running her hand down the front of my body. She then leans forward and kisses me softly repeatedly again.

"Move in with me Brit." I tell her. "You're here so much anyways, I mean we never go to your house or apartment anyways."

"I can't Santana." Brittany says softly. "We've talked about this baby, I'm gone a lot flying, and you are starting the new semester in a few days. We work different hours, and I don't want to bother you while you are grading papers, or preparing a lesson plan." She replies while pulling me close. "Our lives are too hectic right now."

I sigh but allow her to pull me close. "I guess you're right, can we stay at your house sometimes then?" I ask her while kissing her on the neck.

"My house sucks, it's impersonal since I'm never home enough to decorate, I like staying here." Brittany smiles while looking me deep in the eyes. "But if you don't want me here..." She teases while attempting to roll out of bed.

"Very funny." I laugh while pulling back close to me again and kissing her while I begin to massage her back.

"When do you fly out again?" I ask her."

"Day after tomorrow, headed to Nebraska." She says with a frown. "You should come with me." She suggest. "I'm there for a night before heading to LA again, I don't think we've had sex in Nebraska yet." She adds.

"I would love to but I can't I have to meet with the other professors for a department meeting." I frown.

"Well let's make the most out of tonight." She smiles before kissing me.

"We have all tomorrow too right?" I ask her.

"I have some errands to run, then I need to clean my house for once, so I'm going to stay the night at my place." Brittany says before rolling on top of me and kissing me again and settling between my legs. "Ready for another couple rounds?" She smirks as she starts to rock into me slowly.

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**2am**

Brittany and I made love for hours before finally falling asleep in bed. I lay and just watch her sleep for a while, she's so beautiful when she sleeps, her face is so relaxed and she always faces me. She's cuddled into my side, her face nestled in my neck, I can feel her soft exhales on my neck, and even though it tickles a little, it's soothing, she has her arm draped over my waist, and her other under her pillow. I kiss her softly on the temple and slip out of bed to use the bathroom and get a drink of water.

After chugging a bottle of water in the kitchen. I put the dishes in the dishwasher and wipe down the counters one last time. I then blow out the candles around the living room, which were down to dwindling down at this point in the night anyways, I pick up our clothes from the couch and double check that the door is locked. I walk back to the kitchen to grab another bottle of water, since my throat is so dry for some reason tonight, before heading back to the bedroom. As I'm walking past the couch I step on something and try not to scream when it catches me off guard. I turn on the lamp and look down to see what I stepped on.

I bend down and pick up a diamond ring. I frown and turn it around while I examine it. I know it's not mine, and I've never seen Brittany wear it before. I walk right under the lamp and hold the ring up to it and notice an inscription. _With all my love, Sam and Brittany 02/05/2009._ "That's tomorrow's date." I breathe out as tears spring to my eyes. I throw the clothes down and run to the bedroom turning on the light and ripping the covers off of Brittany.

"What happened?" Brittany asks while sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Who the hell is Sam?" I scream out while throwing the ring at her. I watch it bounce off her chest and for a split second I feel bad that it left a red mark.

Brittany jumps up quickly. "I can explain."

"You're fuckin married?!" I ask as tears continue to stream down my face.

Brittany runs over to me. "Let me explain."

"Don't fuckin touch me!" I tell her while jumping back out of her grasp. "Yes or no...are you married?!" I ask her.

Brittany doesn't reply and that's all the answer I need before I crumble to the floor in tears. Once again I found and lost love in New York.

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**Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**100+ reviews on a one shot is more than humbling...thank you to EVERYone that reviewed, whether good or bad, and to everyone that shared the story on Tubmlr.**

**You all wanted the story expanded to a multichapter story...so here goes.**

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I don't know how long I've been sitting on the floor, but it seems like an eternity. My head is throbbing from anger, my heart is racing, my ears are hot, something that happens when I'm pissed off, and my eyes are stinging. I finally lift my head and see Brittany, sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes rimmed in red as well, as she nervously runs her hand through her hair.

"You don't get to fuckin cry!" I snap as I jump to my feet and glare at her. "You don't get to be fuckin upset! You're married!" I grab my stomach when it jumps as the word _married _slides off my tongue. "Get the fuck out of my apartment." I add before taking off the necklace she gave me a few months ago and throwing it at her. "Leave!" I scream as I run in the bathroom, straight to the toilet and lose my dinner.

As I'm vomiting, my tears start again, and begin to drip in the toilet as well. I feel sick, heartbroken, anxious, pissed, betrayed…any negative or sad emotion that exists, is filling my body right now, sending another surge of vomit through me. I lean back over the toilet and let it all come up before flushing the toilet and sitting on the cool tile next to it, bringing my legs into my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them, and dropping my head to my knees.

"Santana!" Brittany calls from the other side of the door. "Baby, please open up." She knocks frantically while turning the handle. I know Brittany heard me vomiting, since I'm not a quiet person when sick. I remember the first time I got sick around Brittany.

I flew and met Brittany in Chicago; it was a snowstorm so we were stuck there for the weekend. I didn't feel the greatest when I got on the plane to go but I hadn't seen Brittany in almost two weeks because of her schedule so I went anyways. By the time I landed and met her at the hotel I was burning up with a fever. I remember her lying in bed and holding me the entire time, never complaining when I coughed or sneezed on her. I refused food until she finally convinced me to eat some soup she ordered from room service. I feel asleep right away after until my stomach turned on me and I jumped and ran to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet so it sounded like I was just washing my hand, but it didn't work since I was groaning and wailing loudly as I retched. Brittany sat in the bathroom with me all night, she actually made a pallet on the floor, and we cuddled there so I could be close to the toilet. Every time I sat up to vomit, she woke up as well and held my hair, while dabbing my neck with a cold towel. The memory instantly pisses me off and my body starts to burn with anger.

"Go away!" I cry loudly. "I don't want you here anymore."

"Tana…" She responds quietly. "Please let me, I heard you vomiting."

"Go home to your fucking husband!" I scream.

"I don't have a husband." Brittany replies. "Please open up…you're naked, and it's cool in here. I don't want you to get sick."

"So who the fuck is Sam?!" I scream angrily, before shivering. I look around the bathroom for my robe but I don't see anywhere and remember it's because I did laundry.

"_Samantha_ is my wife." Brittany whispers, but I can hear her.

The word _wife_ cuts like a knife and more tears, tears I didn't even think I had left in my tear ducts, start to stream down my face. I don't know how many times I've imagined Brittany as my wife, how many times I've called her my wife in my head, how many times I've planned out our future, and now I'm sitting on my bathroom floor, completely naked, remnants of vomit in my mouth, with never ending tears flowing from my eyes. I always thought when I heard Brittany utter the words _is my wife_, my name would be in front of it.

"Tana, please baby, at least open up and take your robe." Brittany knocks again.

I shiver again, cursing her, because before she mentioned the temperature I didn't know notice how cold the bathroom was.

"Please Tana." Brittany sighs.

I stand up on wobbly legs, completely unsure of my own strength right now, and open the bathroom door, Brittany is still standing there naked, but her body repulses me at the moment, so I turn away from her after snatching my robe, and putting it on.

"Get dressed and leave." I tell her hoarsely as I brush past her and start taking her belongings out of my drawers throwing them on the floor. "Go home to your _wife_."

"Santana, I can explain." Brittany states.

I stop pulling out her items and spin around when I hear her voice crack. "You don't get to be upset." I say softly. "You don't have that right at the moment. Put your ring back on and go home." I tell her while shaking my head. "I can't and won't help you cheat on your wife." I add while going to the closet and pulling out some of her items from the closet, throwing them on the pile in the middle of the floor.

I hear her sniffle and roll my eyes as I pick up a few pairs of her heels and throw them on the pile.

"Put some damn clothes on." I snap at her, as tears continue to stream down my eyes.

"We've been estranged for months." Brittany says suddenly as she picks up a pair of sweats and slips them on, she then puts on a tshirt. "I haven't made love to her, since I slept with you the first time in Arizona, my body doesn't respond to her the way it responds to you, my mind doesn't crave conversation with her, the way it does with you."

"Don't." I whisper while turning to face her. "Don't." I repeat while shaking my head.

"I don't love her….I love you." Brittany tells me just above a whisper. "I love you, Santana Lopez."

"You're married." I tell her while sniffling. "You're a married woman, and you need to put on your ring and go home to your wife. According to the inscription on the ring, today is your anniversary." I tell her as I spot the ring on the bed and toss it on the pile on her clothes.

"Santana, I'll leave her for you." Brittany tells me.

"Grab your boots on the way out, please." I say while wiping my eyes and grabbing a hair tie, throwing my hair in a messy bun.

Brittany sighs as I leave the room, I grab a trash bag from the kitchen and toss in the pictures I have of us around my apartment, I throw in the gifts she's given me, which includes candles from every city she travels to, since I love candles, and I go back to the fridge and toss in all the magnets she's bought me. I silently toss the bag on the floor and nod at her to fill it up with her stuff.

"So that's why you always wanted me to book the hotel room, and would just give me cash, that's why you _never_ used your card when we went out to eat, you always paid in cash, or would give me cash to pay." I start to recant. "That's why we never went to your house."

"I've been trying to find the right way to tell her about us." Brittany tells me as she starts to fill the bag, she sighs and stops as she reaches for my hand, but I jerk away.

"Do not touch me." I say slowly. "I want you gone, Brittany."

"I want to talk about this Santana." Brittany pleads.

"Go home and talk to your fuckin wife, tell her happy anniversary, share a bottle of champagne, give her the gift you bought her, tell her how much you love her, treat her like a queen, and have mind blowing anniversary sex." I say through tears. "That's what she deserves." I hiccup and grab my chest.

"I haven't had sex with her in months, not since we started seeing each other." Brittany repeats.

"I heard you the first time." I snap at her. "Why should I believe you? You lied about being married, we've been together for 6 months!" I scream. "Not once did you ever fuckin mention you were married."

"You never asked." She mumbles.

"Do _not_ get cute with me, Brittany." I growl at her. "Shit….do I need to get tested?" I ask as my eyes widen. "Who else have you been sleeping with? How do I know you don't have crabs, or syphilis, or gonorrhea?" I ask her.

"You would be burning." Brittany snaps back. "I'm fuckin clean, Santana, don't be petty."

"Petty?!" I screech. "Brittany you've been cheating on your wife for six months!" I scream while holding up six fingers. "Why shouldn't I be concerned about the type of person I've been keeping company with?"

"I don't have any diseases and I didn't give you any!" Brittany yells angrily.

"Well, my doctor can confirm that tomorrow." I snap at her. "And if I do have anything, I hope you have a guardian angel."

"You didn't think I had anything when you first slept together, and I was a complete stranger to you, don't get crazy now." Brittany snaps.

"You apparently still are a complete stranger." I reply as a tear falls from my eye.

"I'm sorry." Brittany says as her own eyes fill with tears. "I've never believed in love at first sight until I saw you on the plane, something came over me and I had to have you….I love you Santana, please just let me get a divorce, I'll tell her as soon as I get home, actually I'll call her now and…"

"Please just leave." I say weakly. "Please…."

Brittany just stares at me as tears stream out of her eyes, I feel my heart start to break even more, I don't know what comes over me, probably my insane love for Brittany, because all I want to do is hug her and wipe her tears away, but I fight the urge and walk towards the closet and pull out some clothes, quickly slipping them on.

"I want you gone when I get back, leave your key on my kitchen counter." I whisper to her as I pick up my keys and phone. As I'm heading to the door, I feel Brittany wrap her arms around me, but I keep walking, my legs feeling heavier with every step.

"I love you, Santana." Brittany pleads.

I sigh and open the door, I turn and look at Brittany one last time, we lock eyes, and lose my breath.

"I loved you with all my heart." I whisper to her. "Go home to your wife." I stutter out before closing the door.

* * *

It's been two weeks since I found out Brittany was married, and I've been a mess. I cried inconsolably from the moment I got back to my apartment an hour after leaving that night until my eyes were so dry that it hurt to blink. I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was a mess…a terrible mess.

I'm laying in bed, staring at Brittany's picture on my phone singing through tears.

_Tell me what you say now?  
Tell me what you say  
Come again?_

_If you cannot stay down_  
_Then you do not have to pretend_  
_Like there is no way out_  
_I shoulda never let you in_  
_Cause you got me face down_

_And don't take this personal_  
_But you're the worst_  
_You know what you've done to me_  
_And although it hurts I know_  
_I just can't keep runnin' away_

I sigh and sit up to grab my ipod turning off the song. "Jhene Aiko knew what the fuck she meant." I sigh while staring at the picture. "You're the worst." I hiss before throwing my phone down angrily.

I sigh as Toni Braxton comes on next, and the flood gates open up with the first note.

_Don't leave me in all this pain_  
_Don't leave me out in the rain_  
_Come back and bring back my smile_  
_Come and take these tears away_  
_I need your arms to hold me now_  
_The nights are so unkind_  
_Bring back those nights when I held you beside me_

_Un-break my heart_  
_Say you'll love me again_  
_Undo this hurt you caused_  
_When you walked out the door_  
_And walked out of my life_  
_Un-cry these tears_  
_I cried so many nights_  
_Un-break my heart_  
_My heart_

I start to shake with sobs as the song continues on.

_Take back that sad word good-bye_  
_Bring back the joy to my life_  
_Don't leave me here with these tears_  
_Come and kiss this pain away_  
_I can't forget the day you left_  
_Time is so unkind_  
_And life is so cruel without you here beside me_

_Un-break my heart_  
_Say you'll love me again_  
_Undo this hurt you caused_  
_When you walked out the door_  
_And walked out of my life_  
_Un-cry these tears_  
_I cried so many nights_  
_Un-break my heart_  
_My heart_

_Don't leave me in all this pain_  
_Don't leave me out in the rain_  
_Bring back the nights when I held you beside me_

"You fuckin ruined us." I snap angrily as my phone rings.

I reach on the floor to pick it up and quickly press ignore when I see it's Brittany calling, no I haven't deleted her number yet, and no I don't know why. She's been calling me non stop for the past two weeks, and I have yet to answer.

Aside from the incessant phone calls, she's sent me over 100 text messages, and close to 50 long winded emails, all of which I have deleted without reading. I have 4 edible arrangements in my kitchen, and so many bouquets of flowers that my apartment looks like a fuckin greenhouse.

I go to restart my sad and depressing playlist when there's a knock at my apartment door. I sigh and get out of bed, going to answer the door, to tell Brittany to fuck off for the third time this week. I swing open the door and see my cousin, Rachel.

"You look a mess." Rachel says softly as she hugs me.

I melt in her arms and somehow manage to find a few more tears to push out. Rachel is my favorite cousin, she's a surgeon in New Jersey, she moved there from Arizona last year, we don't see each other often, but when we do, it's always fun. Sure, she talks a lot and can get annoying, but she's family and I love the fact that she's not afraid of me, she calls me out on my shit, and has always kept me in line.

I feel her sigh against my shoulder as she rubs my back. "You're okay, Santana." She whispers.

I nod and break the embrace. "What are you doing here?" I ask as I step to the side and let her in the apartment.

She comes in and sits on the couch. "I took some time off of work to come visit my favorite cousin."

"You didn't have to, I'm okay." I tell her as I lay on the couch and rest my head on her lap.

She grabs a tissue from the box and hand it to me. "It doesn't seem that way. Mercedes called me and told me you've been in bed for two weeks."

"She's married." I whisper.

"Brittany?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah, I stepped on her fuckin wedding ring, and she's married Rach." I choke out. "I was going to buy her a ring."

"You were ready to propose?" Rachel asks quickly while sitting me up so she can look me in the eyes.

"No." I clarify. "Not anytime soon, but I know, well I _knew_ that I wanted to spend my life with her, the rest of my life."

"She doesn't deserve you." Rachel snaps. "She doesn't deserve her wife either."

"I still love her." I shake my head softly. "I can't stop thinking about her."

"You need to get out of the house for a little bit." Rachel states. "Go get dressed, I'm taking you to lunch."

"I'm not hungry." I tell her as I lean on the other side of the couch.

"Go get showered, you stink." Rachel says sternly. "We are going to lunch, then you are going to clean up in here, and move on with your life. You deserve better, and I'm not going to let you pine away over a damn cheater, Santana Lopez, get your ass up and get dressed…now."

I glare at Rachel, but she matches it, so I sigh in defeat. "Thank you." I tell her as I kiss her on the cheek and walk past her to the bathroom.

"I'm going to get my luggage from my car." She calls after me.

* * *

"Thanks for getting me out of the house." I reply as we walk down the street. We've spent the last few hours doing some retail therapy.

"You look better, and smell better too." Rachel teases.

"Bitch." I laugh. "Seriously, thank you Rachel, but you didn't have to come all this way, you could have called."

"If I would have called you would still be in bed." Rachel reminds me. "Let's get lunch."

"Ok, but I'm paying." I smile at her as I point to a café, a silent gesture to suggest we eat there.

After we are seated, mimosas in front of us and our lunch orders placed, we have random small talk, where Rachel fills me in on her love life, she's dating a choreographer name Mike, and they honestly make a lovely couple.

The whole time Rachel is talking, my mind drifts to Brittany, I want to get her out of my mind, but I just can't. No matter how I try to fight it…I love Brittany. I see a couple walk back, since we are seated outside, and my heart swells at how cute they look together. I glance at the couple at the table next to us and see another couple, feeding each other and laughing. My mind starts to play tricks on me and I start to remember all the times Brittany and I were doing the same thing around the country, I feel my eyes start to water but shake my head and chastise myself. Brittany is a distant memory, she's out of my life, and I need to accept it.

"Oh my God! I love this version." Rachel screeches when a stripped down acoustic version of Katy Perry's _Teenage Dream_ comes on. I instantly recognize the song and smile to myself.

Brittany and I were in Florida when I first heard the song, we were laying in bed, cuddling, with the radio providing the soundtrack to our night when the song came on. Brittany knew all the lyrics and the version and began to sing to me.

_You think I'm pretty_  
_Without any makeup on_  
_You think I'm funny_  
_When I tell the punchline wrong_  
_I know you get me_  
_So I let my walls come down, down_

_Before you met me_  
_I was alright but things_  
_Were kinda heavy_  
_You brought me to life_  
_Now every February_  
_You'll be my Valentine, Valentine_

With every word of the song, a new memory of us together comes to my mind, and before I know it Brittany is consuming all of my thoughts, again. Maybe I should call her.

_Let's go all the way tonight  
No regrets, just love  
We can dance, until we die  
You and I, will be young forever_

We definitely went all the way that night.

_You make me feel  
Like I'm livin' a  
Teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep  
Let's run away and  
Don't ever look back,  
Don't ever look back_

Brittany was always so full of energy, I always felt like a lovesick teenager around her.

_My heart stops_

_When you look at me_

_Just one touch_

_Now baby I believe_

_This is real_

_So take a chance and_

_Don't ever look back,_

_Don't ever look back_

My heart always did race when Brittany was around…fuck it, I'm just going to call her, and hear her out.

"I need to check my make up." I tell Rachel. "I'll be right back."

She nods and smiles as she continues singing to herself and people watching. I grab my phone and pull it out as I walk towards the bathroom, my thumb looming over Brittany's name. I hear someone laugh and smile to myself.

"Damn that sounds like Brittany." I smile. "I'm going to call her and tell her I'll wait while she gets divorced, I want her, I love her." I whisper to myself when I hear the laugh again.

I look up and see Brittany, and another woman, that's pregnant. Brittany has her arm around her shoulder, her other hand on her stomach, rubbing softly. She laughs again as she looks up and we lock eyes. My heart drops and shatters. Brittany drops her arms and steps back from the woman, she opens her mouth to speak, I don't know whether to the woman, or me but I don't stick around long enough to find out. I turn and run out of the restaurant as tears cloud my eyes, not from sadness but from rage. Rage that I even thought of calling Brittany again.

She's officially dead to me now.

* * *

**Dont hate me yet...  
**

**Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for all the follows, faves, and reviews. You all rock! ;)**

* * *

"Santana! Wait, Santana!" I hear Brittany call frantically behind me as I walk out of my apartment building and down the street. I glance at her and flip her off before continuing to walk faster. "Santana!" I turn around and notice how quickly she caught up to me.

"What?" I ask tiredly when I turn around.

It's been almost a week since I'd seen Brittany and the pregnant woman, she'd chased after me and it turned into a huge blow up, kinda.

_"Is that your wife?" I ask Brittany when she corners me in the bathroom after the woman sat down at the table with the other couple they were with._

_"Santana, it's not what it looks like." She replies instantly._

_"Yes or no?" I ask her as tears come to my eyes. Brittany reaches to grab me, I know how hard it is for her to see me cry, but I jump back. "Yes or no?"_

_"Yes, that is my wife. Samantha." She nods, I move to push past her but she grabs my arm. "That's not my baby." She states._

_I look up at her and snatch my arm back from her. "Do you think I'm stupid?"_

_"I didn't get her pregnant." Brittany rolls her eyes. "That's not my baby."_

_"No shit Sherlock." I snap. "I've been between your thighs and you don't have a dick." I turn to leave but Brittany grabs me and hugs me from behind. "Let me go, Brittany."_

_"I want you to listen to me, please." Brittany pleads. I stop fighting and struggling to get out of her arms, and stand there. "MY wife is a surrogate for her brother, that's who we are at lunch with right now. His wife had three miscarriages, and they were scared to try again and go through the same heartache, so Samantha offered to carry the baby for them. That's why she's pregnant."_

_I turn in her arms and stare at her. "Why should I believe you?"_

_"I would never disown my child." She states softly. "If you don't believe a damn word that comes out of my mouth, you should know you can believe me on this."_

_I stare in her eyes, and can tell she's being honest. Brittany and I have talked about kids before, not about starting a family together, but just about kids in general, and her eyes always did light up when we talked about kids._

_"I believe you." I sigh as I step out of her arms "I, I can't be around you, I gotta go." I add as I run out of the bathroom._

"Did you get the flowers and candy I sent you?" Brittany asks nervously.

"Yes, but you really need to stop sending them, we're over." I reply.

"I work the next two weeks straight, and I know we had plans to hang out in some of the cities, since I'm sure that won't happen, can we talk for a few minutes?" Brittany asks. "Please?"

I look around and roll my eyes. "Come on up, you have exactly one hour." I tell her as I turn around and head towards my apartment building.

Once we get upstairs, I motion to the couch. "Talk."

"Santana, I miss you baby, I miss talking to you and holding you and laughing with you." Brittany says softly with tears in her eyes.

"I miss you too." I reply. "I miss the Brittany Pierce that I fell in love with, the woman I could stay up all night on the phone with, the woman who I would literally count down the minutes until you were back in town from work, the woman I started to plan how to propose to, the woman that wasn't married."

"I still love you." Brittany whispers. "You can't fall out of love with someone easily, so I know you love me too." She adds.

"Don't do this." I shake my head. "I need to get over you and move on." I reply as a few tears stream from my eyes.

Brittany slowly leans forward and wipes a tear away with her thumb, letting her hand cup my cheek. "When I told you I haven't had sex with my wife since we met, I wasn't lying, look in my eyes, Santana." I stare in her eyes, which are full of unshed tears, as she starts to stroke my cheek. "You know my body inside and out, you would know if I'd been with someone else. It's only been you since I met you."

"Don't." I whisper as she leans forward and presses her lips against mine. "Brittany."

"I love you Santana." Brittany repeats when the kiss breaks and we lock eyes again.

I feel the familiar burn on my lips from touching Brittany's, my heart starts to bet faster, I watch a tear slide down her cheek before I softly kiss it away for her.

"I love you too." I whisper to her, she takes a shaky breath, and it seems like me uttering those words to her opens her emotions, because once she blinks tears start to stream out of her eyes.

I cup her cheeks and look all over her face and press our lips together, I feel her hands slide down my back and pull me closer. I dart my tongue into her mouth as she leans back and I lay flush on her. We kiss each other like the world is ending, each movement of our lips sliding against each other aroused me even more, and I knew that when Brittany moaned into my mouth, she was aroused as well.

She flipped us over and began to kiss down my neck as I clutch to her tightly. "I love you." She whispers in my ear as she starts to unbutton my shirt. "I love you, Santana." She kisses me on the lips and stares at me. "So much." Once she has my shirt open she glances at my breast and kiss them over my bra. She cups them and slowly starts to rub them in between the wet kisses she places on the flesh poking over the top.

We lock eyes as she starts to slid my bra down so my breasts are free, she quickly takes a nipple in her mouth and swirls her tongue around it before sucking on it and letting it go with a wet pop, she then blows softly over it causing my back to arch in pleasure as a low moan escapes my mouth, she moves over to the other nipple and repeats the action. I pull her back up to my face and kiss her deeply while wrapping my legs around her waist and pulling her shirt over her head, and quickly unclasp her bra.

She lays flush on me again and I lose my breath when our breasts bump into each other, Brittany hides her face in my neck and simply holds me tightly. I feel her start to kiss my neck softly before she stands up, holding me under the thighs as I wrap my arms around her neck and she carries me to the bedroom.

Brittany lays me on the bed and slowly undresses me before sliding her jeans and thong down and lays next to me on the bed, she runs her hand slowly up and down my body before kissing me again and kissing down my body to my core. She opens my legs wide and the moment I feel her tongue I slam my eyes shut and lose my breath, because God, I've missed this. A few minutes of Brittany's skillful tongue I'm a shaking and screaming mess as I orgasm, and feel her kiss back up my body. I roll us over and slide two fingers in her as our lips find one another's, I find a smooth rhythm of pumping in and out her, alternating between two and three fingers as she moans and clutches to me tightly, while biting, nipping, and sucking on my neck. With one final thrust of my fingers, I curl them inside of her and feel Brittany gasp in my mouth as she peaks and starts to shake and whimper, I keep pumping in her to bring her down before sliding my fingers out.

She turns on her side and tangles our legs and starts to rock into me. "I've missed you, baby."

"I missed you too." I nod as I press our lips together and rock back into Brittany, holding her tightly, our tears start to mix, and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. We break the kiss and stare at one another as we climax and lay in silence, holding each other.

I wake up two hours and three orgasms later, with my head resting on Brittany's chest; we are now covered by a thin sheet, and Brittany has her arm around my waist, holding my tightly; her other hand is stroking my back soothingly.

"I know you're awake," Brittany says quietly as she kisses the top of my head.

"This can't happen again." I tell her as I move to get out of bed.

"Why not?" Brittany asks while holding tighter.

"Is that a joke?" I ask her. "You're married."

"For now." She says as she walks her fingers up and down my arm.

I move to lie next to her and stare at her. "What does that mean?"

"Stay here." She says as she leans forward and kisses me before getting out of bed. I stare at her naked frame as she jogs to the living room. I sigh and rub my eyes, wondering what the hell I just did. Brittany comes back in with an envelope in her hand and lays in bed. "Open it."

I sit up and open the contents of the envelope and read over the paperwork quietly. I glance at Brittany, who is staring at me, nervously.

"What is this? Why are you giving me divorce papers?" I ask her.

Brittany laughs. "I'm not, these are for Samantha."

"You're really getting a divorce?" I ask her.

"Not yet, but I have the papers to show you how serious I am about us." She says as she takes the papers back and tosses the envelope on the floor. "She doesn't work, so she needs to stay on my insurance until the baby comes."

I look up at Brittany. "What does that mean?"

"It means, that I'm asking you to wait for me, just for a few more months, then I'll give her the papers, and we can start our lives together." Brittany says softly. "Wait for me baby." She asks me. "Please."

"Brittany…."

"You, um, don't have to answer me now. I work in another twelve hours, Samantha thinks I'm at work, because I wanted to come and show you how serious I am." Brittany tells me as she guides me on her lap, so I'm straddling her. She starts massaging my sides and lower back. "Wait for me, baby. I just need a little time."

I sigh and close my eyes tightly. "I just need a little time to process this."

"That's understandable." She nods.

"Okay." I sigh and lean on her chest as I run the events of the past couple weeks in my head.

Brittany and I spent the rest of the evening cuddled in bed together, only getting out to answer the door for the Chinese food I ordered. We didn't necessarily have sex, but we just reconnected I guess is the best way to call it. Since I've met Brittany, she's been not only my lover, but my best friend as well. I didn't realize how much I missed just being around her.

* * *

"Desperate!"

"Adulteress!"

"Cheater!"

I roll my eyes as I walk in the living room with a pitcher of margaritas for Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt. "Stop hurling insults at me Lady Face or get the hell out of apartment."

"She's married, San." Rachel sighs. "Why are you putting yourself on this never ending roller coaster of emotion."

"Why do you want to share her with someone else?" Mercedes asks. "You deserve better, babe."

I sit on the couch next to Rachel and watch Kurt pick up my iPod. "If you play Chris Brown's song Loyal one more time Kurt, I swear to God." I snap finally.

"Kurt, put it up." Rachel tells me. "San, what are you doing?"

"I love Brittany." I tell them. "You can't fall out of love with someone easily, I fell in love with Brittany before I knew she was married, my heart won't let her go."

"What is your brain saying." Kurt snaps.

"Get out of my apartment." I say while standing up and walking to the door.

"I'm being a friend." Kurt says while getting in my face. "I'm not going to stand around and watch her string you along like yoyo, she's married Santana, her wife will always win over you, keep that in mind." He adds before walking out the apartment.

I glance at the other two people in my apartment. "The door is open for whoever else wants to follow Kurt."

Rachel sighs. "I'm not leaving."

"I'm not either." Mercedes shrugs.  
"Good." I say as I slam the door and sit back on the couch. I knock back a tequila shot and lean my head on Rachel's shoulder. "I'm scared."

"I would be too," She replies.

"Do you honestly think she's in love with you and will leave her wife for you?" Mercedes asks me.

"Yes, she actually showed me the divorce papers, she has them all drawn up and everything." I nod. "I trust her not to hurt me again."

"Why can't she get the divorce and have Samantha's brother pay the hospital bills?" Rachel asks.

"Brittany is a good person, she wouldn't want to risk anything with the baby's health." I sigh. "Listen, tonight was supposed to be a girls night, let's drink, eat, and gossip about anything but my life right now." I plead.

"Well, did you see the video of Solange attacking Jay Z on the elevator?" Mercedes asks with a smile.

"Oh my God! Yes!" I scream as we start to excitedly chat about the video.

* * *

**Noon**

I've been running errands all morning, to get ready for the upcoming school year, I'm meeting with some members of the faculty this evening for drinks and dinner, so I'm rushing to finish everything before 4pm, when Brittany has a layover, we agreed to FaceTime during that time. I miss her, it's been a week since I saw Brittany, and she promised to tell her wife about us two days ago. With out busy schedules we haven't talked since that conversation and I'm anxious to see if she told her yet. I reach a red light and decide to turn on the radio to get my head out of my thoughts for a few minutes, but of course the universe hates me, and Kelly Price's song, As We Lay comes on the radio

_Whoa, it's morning_  
_And we slept the night away_  
_It happened_  
_Now we can't turn back the hands of time, no, no_

_Yes we've stolen this moment_  
_We forgot to face one simple fact_  
_We both belong to someone else_  
_As we slept the night away_

_It's morning_  
_Sunlight shines across your sleeping face, oh_  
_A new day_  
_Brings reality and we both go our separate ways_

I take a shaky breath, as I listen to a song that I've heard hundreds of times before, but only today are the words sinking in and affecting me.

_What a lovely night we had yeah, yeah_  
_As we shared each other's love_  
_We forgot about all the pain we caused_  
_As we slept the night away_

_As we lay_  
_We forgot about tomorrow_  
_As we lay_  
_Ooh hey, hey_

_As we lay_  
_Didn't think about_  
_The price we'd have to pay_  
_No, no, no_

Shit, what am I doing? I'm helping someone have an affair, her wife deserves to know.

_It's morning_  
_And now it's time for us to say goodbye_  
_Goodbye baby_  
_You're leaving me_  
_I know you've got to hurry home to face your wife, wife_

_I would never want to hurt her, no, no, no_  
_She would never understand_  
_You belong to me for just one night_  
_As we slept the night away_

_Ooh oh, whoa_

_I would never, never want to hurt her, no, no, no_  
_She would never understand_  
_You belong to me for just one night_  
_As we slept the night away_

In my defense, I loved Brittany before I knew any of this. I can't turn my heart off, I crave her, emotionally, mentally, physically. I pull into the Starbucks I'm passing by and listen to the song as it winds down. I glance at my phone and see a text message from Brittany.

**FROM BRITTANY: Can't wait to see your gorgeous face later ;)  
**

I get butterflies in my stomach and text her back.

**TO BRITTANY: Same here, I miss you so much.  
**

I decide not to ignore my heart and allow myself to love Brittany. I smile a at the thumbs up and heart eye emojis she sends in reply and walk in the Starbucks. I'm internally debating over what to order when I look up and notice Brittany's wife, Samantha. I don't know what the hell comes over me but I walk up to her as she looks over the bakery case.

"The cinnamon swirl coffee cake is the best thing they make." I say with a smile.

She glances up at me and smiles, and now that I'm closer to her I can see how beautiful she is. "I love it, but the baby hates cinnamon." She laughs. "So it's either between the lemon pound cake or a raspberry scone."

"Definitely the scone." I nod.

"You have great choices in snacks." She laughs. "I'm Samantha Pierce." She adds while extending her hand to me.

"I'm Santana Lopez, and I'm sleeping with your wife, Brittany Pierce." I blurt out.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter.**

* * *

"You have great choices in snacks." She laughs. "I'm Samantha Pierce." She adds while extending her hand to me.

"I'm Santana Lopez, and I'm sleeping with your wife, Brittany Pierce." I blurt out.

_"Deeper San..." Brittany moans in my ear when she takes a break from nibbling on my earlobe._

_I reposition her leg so I can pump my fingers into at a better angle and go deeper, so deep that she's basically swallowing my fingers down to my knuckles. "Is this want you want baby?" I pant before kissing her. "Come for me, Brit, come baby."_

_Brittany begins to match my rhythm and slam into my hand, while grunting and moaning loudly. I curl my fingers and feel her walls clench and tense around me as she screams in ecstasy and hides her face in my neck._

_"Fuck..." She sighs as I slip out of her slowly and stick one of my fingers in her mouth. I then stick the other finger in my mouth and lick Brittany's juices off my finger before running my tongue over her top lick and pulling her in for a kiss._

I'm brought out of my day dream when I feel pressure on my wrist, I shake my head and focus my eyes back on the woman in front of me, who is frowning and cocking her head to the side. I glance down and see she's holding my wrist, but drops it immediately.

"What did you say?" She asks.

"I said I'm sleeping with your wife." I repeat, way more unsure of myself this time.

"I don't understand." She whispers while shaking her head. "I mean, I know we've been having some problems and things haven't been good but no...Brittany wouldn't cheat on me."

A culmination of her pregnancy hormones, and the fact that her wife's mistress just dropped a huge bomb on her instantly creates tears. "Look, I didn't think she would cheat on me either, but..."

"Cheat on you?!" She yells as her face turns red. "_I'm_ fuckin married to her." She adds while putting her hand, yep with her wedding ring, in my face. "So you must be the reason she doesn't sleep in the same bed as me, the reason she hasn't for months, months! She claimed it was to give me room for my stomach and so I was comfortable." She takes a deep breath. "The reason that she picked up extra shifts and is never home anymore, the reason I can tell her I love her, and she just..." She chokes on a sob and covers her mouth. "The reason she hasn't said it back in what feels like forever."

"She cheated on me as well." I quickly defend. "When I met her I didn't know she was married, I just found out a month or two ago..."

"Yet you still continue to sleep with her?" She snaps.

"I..."

She leans forward and smells me. "You slept with her the other day, she came home smelling like this perfume, she was so happy and relaxed, something she's usually not when she's home. She took a shower and fell asleep on the couch, she didn't even both pulling out the sofa bed like she usually does. I did her laundry and I smelled this perfume on her shirt, I assumed it was something she really liked and got a sample of, but I guess you're the supply...and the fuckin demand."

"Saman..."

"You will address me as _Mrs. Pierce_, because that's exactly who the fuck I am." She adds while angrily grabbing her Starbucks order. "To think I'm meeting a friend here today to talk about the divorce she's going through. Her husband has been cheating on her, and is running away with his secretary to get married. I told her that even though I was having problems with Brittany, I knew in my heart, she would never_, ever_, cheat on me..." She chokes on another sob and starts to hyperventilate slightly. "I was going to ask her about the marriage counselor she tried, with hopes Brittany would agree to go...but..."

"Ummm, you're pregnant, maybe you should calm down." I tell her while grabbing a bottle of water out of the cooler and opening it to give her.

"Now you care about me being pregnant?" She hisses at me. "Where was the concern when you decided to tell me you were fuckin my wife?"

"I'm in love with her." I whisper while looking around. "I'm sorry, but..."

"You can have her sorry ass." Samantha replies before throwing the water bottle at me. "I would have thrown my apple cider, but you aren't worth wasting my five dollars on." She then pushes past me and walks away.

"Fuck." I snap while grabbing a stack of napkins and wiping my shirt off. "This is expensive." I hiss.

"That water is four dollars." The barista tells me.

I roll my eyes and reach in my purse to grab some cash out when Samantha comes back in. "Do you have any diseases I need to worry about? Any diseases the baby should worry about?"

"I thought you two weren't having sex?" I ask her with a smirk.

"We share a vibrator, I use it still...I don't know if she does, or if you are all she needs." She replies quietly. "Yes or no?"

"No." I shake my head. "I'm clean, I went to the doctor just a few weeks ago."

"I'll make sure my doctor confirms that," She then slaps me with such force that my whole head turns. "Just remember if she was willing to cheat on me to get you, she'll cheat on you to get someone else." She states before walking away again.

* * *

**11pm**

"Why the fuck would you confront my wife?!" Brittany yells startling me as I step out of the shower.

I jump since I had no idea she was here. I ignored the five FaceTime calls, the thirty seven text messages, and the forty five missed calls that all came in the past two hours. I knew Samantha was going to call Brittany, and while I wasn't nervous about Brittany's reaction, I just needed some time to think about everything Samantha said. Brittany didn't lie, she wasn't still sleeping with her wife, hell they didn't even really _sleep_ together in bed. Samantha made it seem as if her and Brittany were estranged...which should be good for me, I guess; but the look of betrayal, hurt, and rage on Samantha's face reminded me of how I felt the night I stepped on Brittany's wedding ring.

"I know you can hear me." Brittany states.

I avoid eye contact and reach for my towel, wrapping it around me while grabbing some leave in conditioner and spray some in my hair. "Can you hand me my brush, it's behind you?"

"I'm not in the mood for fuckin games right now." Brittany snaps.

"I'm not either, you know how my hair is...I need to brush out the knots before they turn to naps. I have an early morning and need to take care of my hair tonight." I tell her.

Brittany is glaring at me but hands me the hairbrush. "Santana, answer me...what went through your damn head earlier?"

I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I sit in front of my vanity and start to spray and brush my hair section by section , I see Brittany walk behind me and stare at me in the mirror.

"Answer me!" Brittany then yells.

"You were supposed to tell her two days ago." I reply while brushing my hair.

"She deserved to find out in person, I was waiting until I got home to tell her Santana." Brittany replies. "It's bad enough I want a divorce but she shouldn't find out over the phone, and she shouldn't have found in a fuckin Starbucks in front of a group of people. What the fuck were you thinking?! No, you weren't thinking….you were your same impulsive, selfish ass."

"Selfish?!" I slam my brush down on the vanity and turn quickly to face. "I'm selfish?" I laugh. "Me, Santana?!" I then stand up so I'm in her face. "_You_ were in a six month long affair, and didn't have the lady balls to tell your wife, _you_ led me on, _you_ made me think I had the perfect girlfriend, _you_ have been the selfish bitch." I scream as tears stream down my face.

Brittany leans her head back and rolls her neck around slowly, stretching it out. "I'm sorry." She says while reaching up and wiping my tears with her thumb. "I'm sorry for calling you selfish." I nod and allow her to hug me for a moment before I break the embrace and step back.

"I'm trying to make this right, Santana." Brittany says softly. "Please just work with me here, baby."

"I don't know why I told her." I say while sitting on my bed. "I felt like shit right away after, whether or not you are planning to get a divorce or not, you're still very much married Brittany." I tell her while lifting her left hand.

Brittany gets on her knees and places her hand on my thighs, rubbing slowly before reaching for my hands. "I'm married to Santana, only on paper. I'm in love with you." She then kisses my hands. "Please just be patient with me while this all gets straightened out."

"I'm trying, but I'm scared…scared of getting strung along, scared of more lies." I shake my head. "Scared that you'll suddenly decide that you want to be with her and you'll leave me, or that you'll leave me for someone else." I tell her all in one breath.

Brittany shakes her head and stands up to sit next to me on the bed. "I love you, every single time, all 532 times I've said it to you, I've meant it, each one more than the last time."

I sigh and lean forward, resting my elbows on my thighs and bury my face in my hands. "Did you talk to her?"

"Yes." Brittany replies softly. "I told her I'm in love with you and that I want a divorce."

"What did she say?" I ask while looking up at her.

_"We need to talk, Samantha." I tell her as I walk in the living room, where she is watching TV._

_"Yes, we do Brittany, your mistress….the filthy bitch you're sleeping with…"_

_"Watch it." I say lowly._

_"Watch it?" She asks. "You're cheating on me and I need to watch it?"_

_"Don't disrespect her, you will not disrespect her." I snap. _

_"She's a homewrecking whore" Samantha yells._

_"Sammy, stop." I shake my head. "Don't get worked up, you're pregnant."_

_"It's nice how me being pregnant is just now crossing your mind." _

_"You knew I wanted kids, you know I want kids, but you choose to be a surrogate for everyone else." I tell her as angry tears threaten to fall out of my eyes._

_"So you cheat on me for trying to make us some money?" She asks as if I'm the crazy one. "You know damn well we need it!"_

_"Samantha, we can stay married until you have the baby, then I want a divorce. I know you need the insurance, so that's why I'm dragging this out."_

_"Brit Brat…" Samantha sighs._

_"We haven't been happy for months, almost a year Sam." I tell her. "Don't make this difficult."_

_"How long has she been in your life?" She demands._

_"Almost 8 months now." I sigh. _

_Samantha walks out of the living room and into the bedroom slamming the door._

"That's exactly what I got home to after being on the road with back to back flights for the past two weeks. She was hysterical when she called me after the Starbucks incident." Brittany tells me. "This is why I wanted to tell her in person, I had a plan Santana, and now this shit has blown up."

"I can't feel bad for you." I say softly. "You got everyone into this mess." I tell her with a sigh.

"When I saw you, I knew I loved you, and had to act on it." Brittany tells me with a shrug. "If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right."

I stare at her and stand up, walking back to my vanity to finish my hair. "I love you too." I reply quietly. "But I wish I had you all to myself."

"You will soon." Brittany tells me as she walks up to my chair and rests her hands on my shoulders. "I want to stay with you tonight."

"Did she kick you out?"

"No, I'm _want_ and _need_ to be with you tonight." Brittany tells me before grabbing a towel out of the closet and going to the bathroom to shower.

"What the hell am I doing?" I ask myself while staring in the mirror.

* * *

**3am**

While Brittany got in the shower, I went to the living room and looked over my lesson plans and syllabus for the first week of school which was next week. Brittany could sense I wanted a little space to think so she stayed in the bedroom, and watched TV. I read, highlighted, and proofread until I ended up falling asleep on the couch.

I wake up when I feel my body being lifted up in the arm. I open my eyes and see Brittany picking me up bridal style, her face is flushed, almost like she's been crying in her sleep. She's holding me tightly under my knees, while using her other hand to brace my back.

"Brit." I rasp as she presses her lips to my forehead.

"You deserve your own bed, not the couch." She tells me as she carries me to the bedroom. I nod and yawn while leaning more into her chest and closing my eyes for the ride. She sets me down carefully and pulls the blanket over me, I feel her kiss my temple delicately before locking eyes with me. "Good night." She whispers before walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" I ask her quickly as I sit up.

"To the couch." She replies.

"Come to bed, baby." I tell her while opening the covers on her side of the bed.

She nods and slips in next to me. I move close to her and snuggle into her side. She turns her head and stares at me. "I'm going to make this right, I promise you."

I don't reply, because I don't know what to say. My heart believes Brittany but my brain is skeptical. I instead run my thumb over her bottom lip and kiss her. We move our lips together slowly before I push my tongue in her mouth and exhale when I feel her tongue tangling with mine. I cup her face and gasp into the kiss momentarily losing my breath. When I open my eyes I see Brittany has tears falling from hers.

"I never meant to hurt you." She whispers. "I'm so sorry."

I nod. "Just make it right." I reply to her before kissing her again chastely and holding her tightly.

* * *

**7pm**

"You're lucky she wasn't black, bitch you would have a damn black eye right now." Mercedes tells me while shaking her head and knocking back her shot of tequila.

I chuckle and knock back my shot as well. "It wasn't my finest moment."

"Do you regret it?" Rachel asks. "I mean, how would you feel if you're what six months pregnant, and someone comes up to you in a Starbucks and blurts out that they are sleeping with your wife."

I lean my head back on the couch and close my eyes. "I would be pissed, embarrassed, hurt...Snixx would definitely had torn the whole day place up."

"So why do it to her?" Rachel asks carefully. "Come on San, this is completely out of character for you. What's going on in your head?"

"Why do fools fall in love?" Kurt sang while joining us from his trip to the bathroom.

"Don't start this shit, Kurt." I snap.

He raises his hands in defense and sits next to Mercedes on the couch. She whispers something to him, causing him to dramatically roll his eyes and sigh loudly. "Look Santana, I love you doll, and I just think you are selling yourself short with Brittany." I open my mouth to protest but he raises his hand, signaling me to let him finish. "While she's great, and sweet, and gorgeous...she's married." He finishes softly. "You deserve someone who is only committed to you, and you only."

"I can't help who I love." I tell him as my eyes start to sting. "I just can't. I tried not loving her, I try not thinking about her, but I can't." Rachel smiles softly at me and rests her hand on mine. "When I'm with Brit, my body is on fire, my brain is tingling, I feel like I want to scream and throw up at the same time, and if I do vomit...it'll be those gummy hearts they only sell around V Day. I can't help it..."

"And you're sure she feels the same way about you?" Mercedes asks me.

"Positive." I nod.

"So her wife told you they weren't intimate anymore?" Rachel asks while refilling everyone's wine glass.

"Yeah, she went on this rant about how Brittany doesn't sleep in the same bed as her at night, and hasn't told her she loves her in months." I tell them before taking a sip.

"So why are they still married?" Kurt asks. "Doesn't make sense."

"She's pregnant." I stay but quickly shake my head and hold up my hands for them to be quiet. "She's carrying her brother's baby, apparently this is the second one she's carried for someone. Brittany wanted kids but her wife keeps agreeing to be a surrogate for money."

"Whoa." Mercedes breathes.

"Is her brother gay?" Kurt asks.

"No, and I think that's what bothers Brittany so much about it, his wife can't have a baby I guess, so it's sweet of her to do, but she didn't run it by Brittany first." I explain. "Their marriage is complicated, the communication factor just isn't there."

"San, girl, you are in some shit, you know that, right?" Mercedes tells me as the lock to the door turns and Brittany walks in, her eyes instantly widen when everyone Kurt, Mercedes, and Rachel all glare at her.

"Hey Rachel, good to see you again." Brittany says quietly. "Mercedes, Kurt...you too."

When no one speaks, I clear my throat loudly and elbow Rachel.

"You look great Brittany, have you been on the west coast or down south with some sun?" Rachel asks while standing up and hugging Brittany.

"Umm, yeah a little of both." Brittany nods.

"Hey girl." Mercedes says while waving at her and knocking back her glass of wine.

Kurt rolls his eyes and grabs his coat. "Santana, I need to get going. I'm meeting someone for drinks. Mercedes, call me, Rachel have a safe drive home." He then brushes past Brittany and leaves the apartment.

"Hey baby." I tell her as I stand up and hug her before kissing her softly.

"I didn't know you were having company tonight." She says nervously. "I can come back later, or ummm, just call you tomorrow."

"Don't be silly." I tell her. "It's fine, why don't you go wash your flight off?" I tell her with a smile.

She nods and waves to Rachel and Mercedes again before going to the bedroom. I glare at them both and follow her, I go and turn on the shower for her and hand her a towel.

"Hey, _I _want you here, and that's all that matters." I tell her as she starts to take her work uniform off. I made dinner and saved you a plate, since I was hoping you came over tonight, but I wasn't sure if you were going home or..."

"Any night I can come to you... I will." She tells me before kissing me on the cheek. I smile at her and close the bathroom door behind me and walk back to the living room.

"We are going to get going." Rachel smiles.

"Why are you leaving?" I ask them. "Come on, you're going to make Brittany feel super uncomfortable."

"We are meeting up with some guys for drinks and bowling, I _just_ got a text, we aren't leaving because Brittany is here. I can show you my phone to prove it." Mercedes replies.

"It's cool." I nod. "I believe you."

She hugs me tightly and heads towards the door as Rachel hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. "You know I always have your back." She tells me.

"I know Rach." I nod and smile. "That's why you're my favorite cousin."

"I'll call you tomorrow and if Brittany is off the three of us can get lunch." She smiles.

"Sounds good." I tell her as I walk them to the door.

* * *

**One week later**

I'm in my office on campus after a successful first two classes, the students seem energetic and ready to learn, which is always a plus for a teacher. I'm going over the introduction paragraphs on my class websites when Professor Martin, the head of the department knocks on the door.

"Miss Lopez?"

I look up and smile. "Come on in, I'm just going over my intro paragraphs the students had to turn in before the semester started."

"Great, I know you have a full roster, but we have a special situation, a special needs student that would like to enroll, I told them I would pull some strings since your our best psych teacher." He beams.

I swell with pride. "Thanks, and of course...anything I can do to help mold someone's future, I'm all in."

"Great, she's here, right outside the door, she wanted to talk to you first and introduce herself. I'll grab her."

"Ok." I nod as I start to tidy up my desk, wanting to make a good impression. I check my make up and teeth in the mirror, making sure there's no lipstick on my teeth and pop a tic tac in my mouth from the drawer, quickly crunching down on it. I straighten out my bright yellow blazer and stand up to greet the student when they walk in.

"Santana this is Samantha Pierce." Professor Martin states as my jaw drops.

"I hear you're the best teacher around, and I want to make sure I _steal _a good grade." She smirks while sitting down in the chair in front of me.

"Nice to meet you _Miss _Pierce." I strain while extending my hand to shake hers. She has super pregnant woman strength and squeezes the shit out of my hand before snatching it back.

"It's _Mrs. _Pierce." She corrects me. "But your _Miss _Lopez right, no ring?" She adds with a quiet chuckle.

"Well, I'll leave you two, Mrs. Pierce has a tuition waver, so you can enroll her right away, no need to wait for the cashier's office." He adds before closing my office door.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I snap while leaning on my desk.

"Revenge." She replies calmly. "You took something of mine, now I want something of yours." She adds.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Where the hell have you all been? LMAO A long awaited update is here. As always thanks for all of the faves, follows, reviews, and PMs. **

**Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

"She's fuckin crazy!" I exclaim as Mercedes pours me another shot and slides the glass in front of me. "That's my job, I don't play around when it comes it work."

Mercedes nods and pours herself a shot. "What did Brittany say?"

"I haven't talked to her." I reply. "She been conveniently working all week."

Brittany has been working like crazy lately, I don't know if she is doing it to avoid me, or avoid Samantha, or to just avoid life. I remember her saying that she felt free when she flew, she could stare out at the sky and never get bored, I personally sleep through every flight, but Brittany always stays awake, even when she's not working, maybe it's a habit. I remember when we flew to California for the weekend I fell asleep before we even left the runway, but Brittany stayed awake the whole time she told me. Just daydreaming while she looked out the window. I woke over halfway through the flight and saw her looking out the window and took a picture of her, she looked so effortlessly beautiful that day. I don't even think she knows I took the picture she was in a such a trance, I made the picture my screensaver on my phone for weeks before finally changing to a picture of us that we took one morning in bed. We were wearing hats and scarves because the heat went out in my building and wouldn't get fixed for a day or two. We stayed in bed the entire time, only getting up to run to the door for the delivery guy.

Mercedes once again nods and lifts her shot to me, I lift mine and knock the shot back quickly. "So she's really one of your students?"

"Yes." I snap. "This is too much." I scream while laying my head on my arm on the table. "I just want to be happy and in love like I was a few months ago."

Mercedes pats me on the back. "Your life is a nightmare."

I lift my head and glare at her. "Thanks a fuckin lot."

"Come sit on the couch." She nodded while heading to her living room. I sit down next to her and cross my legs so I'm sitting Indian style and facing her, immediately toying with the hem of my yoga pants. "Time for some tough love." I nod and roll my eyes. "You are in a fucked up situation, and it's honestly hard to believe that you are completely innocent in this, Santana."

"What?"

"Can you honestly say you didn't even have the slightest idea she was married?" She asks.

"No." I tell her truthfully. "From the moment I met her on the flight to Arizona, she's appeared single! She's always available when I call her, we traveled together, well she was working most times, but we took at least two weekend trips that were non work related. I swear I thought she was single. I mean I had no reason not to."

"There were no signs, girl?" Mercedes asked while raising an eyebrow. "Nothing at all made you even raise an eyebrow at her?"

I close my eyes and try to think. "No." I reply honestly again. "All I know is I met someone, and fell in love, deep in love, and then my world came crashing down, and now I'm just trying to salvage my heart and put it back together again."

Mercedes wipes a tear from my face and sighs. "Do you really think Brittany is going to divorce Samantha?"

"I don't know, my heart is telling me she will, but my brain...my brain doesn't trust her." I shrug.

"Well...God made tequila for nights like this." Mercedes smiles softly while lifting the bottle.

"You know that means I'm sleeping on your couch tonight, right?" I state while laughing.

"Of course." She nods and takes a sip from the bottle before handing it to me.

"Do you think I'm crazy or pathetic for staying with Brittany?" I ask her. "I know you will give it to me straight, so I'm asking you for an honest answer."

Mercedes clears her throat. "Yes and no."

"Clarify."

"Yes I think you're a little crazy for staying with Brittany, but I can tell you're in love...really in love with her." Mercedes tells me. "I know you can't control your heart, I get that, but I just want you to be careful."

"I really, really love her Cedes." I tell her. "I can't help it. I know that Brittany is the one for me."

"How do you know she won't cheat on you like she ddi Samantha?" She asks me.

"I don't." I shrug. "But I want to believe she won't."

"Well, let's focus on getting your girl away from her wife." Mercedes winks.

"You're on my side?" I ask her while taking another sip of the tequila.

Mercedes nods. "I've seen you two together, I know how much you love her. I just need to go to church Sunday so I can pray for my save for helping you be a homewrecker." She then laughs.

"Hey!" I laugh while playfully hitting her leg. I then lean forward and hug her tightly. "Thanks Cedes, you're a good friend."

"You are too." Mercedes replies. "Now let's finish this bottle and then you are paying for dinner."

"Fair enough." I laugh.

* * *

**Brittany POV  
**

The past couple weeks have been hell, but I guess I can only blame myself for it. I will admit I pursued Santana, I cheated on my wife, I started a relationship under false pretenses, but the love I have for Santana is very real. The day I met Santana changed my life forever...Samantha and I got in a huge fight before I headed to the airport for work. For years I've expressed wanting kids, but Samantha always said it was never the right time, she's jumped from job to job throughout our marriage leaving me to carry us financially. On our third wedding anniversary she planned this romantic weekend in upper New York, she rented a cabin and pulled all of the stops; expensive champagne, she bought me a ton of gifts, and we dined on lobster and caviar from a food service she paid for. When I asked her how she was able to afford all of this, out of fear that she spent our savings, she told me she made $10,000 being a surrogate for someone. My heart dropped, my palms got sweaty, and I got dizzy. A surrogate? We got in a huge argument. I felt betrayed; my wife, my best friend of five years took something so precious away from me, something we were supposed to experience together for the first time. I walked out of the cabin and took a cab home/

That was the beginning of the end of our marriage, and our friendship. I cared for her while she was pregnant, but I started to resent her at the same time, it hurt to look at her while she was pregnant. Going to doctors visits was painful and I would sit in the car and cry for hours after we left. I started to work more to avoid her, I couldn't be around her, it hurt too much. I started to sleep on the couch every night or stay up super late so as soon as I got in bed, I would hopefully fall right to sleep. Fast forward to right before I met Santana, Samantha once again told me, not consulted with me, but told me that she was carrying her brother's baby. I felt the same pain in my heart again, but it was soon replaced with rage. I actually contacted a lawyer and had divorce papers drawn up, I carried them around with me, my part signed but never got the nerve to give it to her.

The afternoon I got on the flight to Arizona forever changed my life. I was greeting everyone like normal when I saw the most beautiful woman ever board the plane. She had on a pair of jeans, and a tight black tshirt. Her hair was flowing down her back and she had on sunglasses, nothing special at all, but as she got closer and walked past me she she slid her sunglasses to the top of her hair and we briefly locked eyes as she politely nodded to me while walking bye. I was immediately intrigued, with the weight of my failing marriage on my shoulders I innocently flirted with her. I gave her extra snacks, snuck her a can of soda, and constantly walked by her whenever possible. I was checking on the passengers when I noticed she was asleep, she looked gorgeous, her nose scrunched slightly when she inhaled but smoothed out when she exhaled. I rushed to the back of the plane and grabbed her a blanket and a pillow. I carefully lifted her head, shocked by how hard she was sleeping when she didn't even stir when I moved her. I tossed the blanket on her and stared at her like a creep from my seat.

When she gave me her number and invited me for drinks later that night as a thank you, I knew I should have told her I was married then, but I didn't. I guess she didn't see my ring, so when I met her, I slipped it off. Was it wrong? Yes, but in my mind my marriage was over. Santana made me feel so alive, we had a smooth conversation going from topic to topic over dinner, we then hit the hotel bar and talked more, she raved about her family and her students when she told me she taught at NYU. One drink led to another, and before we both realized what was happening we were rolling in the sheets of my hotel room, licking, tasting, and savoring each other. She gave me orgasms I only dreamed of with Samantha, after the first pregnancy our sex just wasn't the same. Santana gave me the orgasm I'd been chasing for year, and I knew I wanted it again and again.

The night she found my wedding ring was the worst night of the life, not because I was finally caught, but because the pain in her eyes was a pain I'd never seen before, her sobs sounded like her heart was breaking. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and most importantly I felt my heart break because the woman I loved more than anything in this world, hated me, and there was nothing I could say or do at the moment to change her mind. It was all my fault.

"Brittany!" I hear followed by two loud claps and quickly remember I'm working.

"Thank you for flying Delta Airlines, welcome to Miami." I say while smiling at a family as they pass me and leave the plane.

"What's with you today?" Mike, one of the flight attendants working with me today, asks while walking towards the front of the plane.

"Just tired I guess." I shrug.

"Awww naw, we gotta hit some bars tonight." Puck, the pilot, states while walking up behind us and wrapping her arms around our shoulders.

I laugh and shake my head. "I just want to go to sleep."

"Boooooooo!" Puck yells. "You are coming out, so go and like curl your hair, and put on a tight skirt and let's grab some drinks."

I pick up my suitcase and exit the plane, followed closely by the two of us. "No, I just want to relax, we don't fly out until tomorrow night, so I can finally relax and get some sleep."

"Tequila, gin, vodka...hell any dark liquor can help you out." Puck pleads.

"Just one drink." I tell him with a smile. "Than I'm going back to my room."

"Deal!" Puck smiles before he kisses me on the cheek. "8pm in the hotel bar

* * *

I've been calling and texting Santana since I landed but she hasn't answered any of my calls or text messages. I know a few days she was at Mercedes's apartment, I only know that because I texted her looking for Santana when she ignored me all yesterday. Mercedes wouldn't give me any information on her, just that she was safe and they were having a few drinks at her place. Since we got in a huge fight over Samantha enrolling in one of her classes, we haven't really talked, I took a few extra flights to clear my head and kind of get away from everything. I've been calling her the past couple days but nothing. On the other side of the coin Samantha hasn't stopped calling me. When I asked her why the hell she enrolled in Santana's class, she couldn't give me a straight answer, so I know she is doing it out of spite. I try Santana one more time but she, of course, doesn't answer. I slip my phone in the pocket of my jeans and head out the door, for one drink, just one.

"Whoooooooo!" I hear as I walk in the hotel lounge. Puck is chugging a beer, with Mike cheering him on, and Tina, a fellow flight attendant laughing while recording the scene on her phone.

"Brittany!" She smiles while running over to me. "Good to see you again."

"You too." I nod while sitting down.

"More beers for everyone!" Puck announces.

"Are you flying tomorrow?" I ask him.

"Nope, I'm off for the next couple days, I'm on vacation." He confirms.

I fall in line with the group and starting drinking while we exchange stories of random flights, passengers, and anything else we can think of. I keep checking my phone hoping that Santana contacts me but she doesn't. I sigh and send her one final text before deciding that if she doesn't respond to just leave her alone the remainder of the night.

**TO Santana: Please just tell me if you're okay.**

I stare at the phone as my phone chimes with four quick text messages from Samantha. I groan and put my head down on the table and sigh. My life is a fuckin mess!

"Yo, Brit, what's going on babe?" Puck asks.

"You've been married for three years, right?" I ask him.

He nods and tosses a handful of peanuts in his mouth. "Yep, but hey if you're offering and your wife is cool with it...I can call Kitty."

"Gross." Tina frowns.

"No." I laugh, Puck has had a crush on me since I started the airline, and after I turned down his advances for the hundredth time, he got the hint and we ended up being best of friends. "I cheated on Samantha."

"What?" Mike asks quickly.

"I cheated on Samantha, and fell in love with someone else." I say while looking around the table.

"Bartender! Another round of shots!" Tina yells.

"Brittany, shit, are you kidding me? I knew you and Sam were having problems but dammit." Puck states while quickly sobering up. "Take a walk with me, now."

I roll my eyes and follow Puck out of the bar, we go outside and sit on a small brick wall. I watch Puck light a cigarette and take a long drag. "What the fuck, Brittany, who is it?"

"Flight B736 to Arizona, 3pm flight, seat 4A." I tell him.

Puck's eyes widen. "The latina chick?"

I nod. "Her name is Santana, she's a teacher at NYU."

"That was like six months ago." Puck recalls. "You've been seeing her ever since?"

I stare at my phone, hoping for a message from Santana, but nothing. "She gave me her number before she left the plane, I called her and wet met for dinner and drinks, one thing led to another, and we ended up in my room, naked in my bed."

"Shit." Puck grinned.

"I thought it would be a one night stand, but I couldn't stop thinking of her, so I called her a few weeks later, we met up for dinner and we've been together ever since." I tell him. "I fell in love with her."

"Did she know about Samantha?"

"No." I shake my head as a few tears drop. "I would take my ring off when I saw her. She ended up finding out a few weeks ago when she steped on it one night after we had sex, she flipped out, with good reason, and life has been hell ever since."

"So what are you going to do?" Puck asks me.

"I don't know." I tell him. "I love Santana more than I've ever loved Samantha, our marriage has been rocky since it started, you know that."

"Yeah, but I thought you worked out your initial issues with Sam?" Puck asks me while turning his head and blowing smoke in the air.

"Not really, you know I've always wanted kids and her being the surrogate really just..."

"You never got over it." Puck stated for me. "You told her you were okay, but you never got over it."

"I never got over it." I confirm.

"So how did Santana take you breaking it off with her, or did she break it off with you?" He asks me.

"We're still together."

"Bullshit." He exclaims while standing up. "She stayed with you?"

"Not really, she dumped me that night, but I was able to get her back, then she saw Samantha and me out at lunch with her brother, she saw how pregnant she was and flipped out, and dumped me again, but we talked about it, and we got back together." I explain.

"I need something harder than this Newport to deal with this convo." Puck sighs. "So what are you two now?"

"A mess." I laugh. "Samantha enrolled in her class and has been tormenting her and now Santana isn't returning my calls, I need a break from the world, so that's why I've been taking extra shifts."

"Well, you know my dad cheated on my mom right?" Puck asks. I nod as I remember the story he told me. "I hated the bastard for years but he sat me down and talked to me about it when I was older and he told me something that as an adult made a lot more sense than it would have if he would have said it when I was a kid."

"What did he say?" I ask.

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second person because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." He stands up and squeezes my shoulder before walking away.

* * *

**2am**

I finally fell asleep around midnight, my phone in my hand, ignoring all of Samantha's texts, which were laced with swearing and idle threats, and praying for a text or phone call from Santana. After my talk with Puck I went to Tina's room where we talked for an hour or so about anything other than my fucked up love triangle, I couldn't focus on anything so I left and came back to my room where I stared at the ceiling until sleep finally overtook me.

I wake up from a pounding on the hotel door.

"Open the fuckin door Brittany! I know that bitch is in there!"

I sit up and rub my eyes as the pounding continues and someone starts pulling on the handle.

"I swear to God! Open the fuckin door!"

I finally recognize the voice and run to the door. "Santana?" I ask while flinging the door open, she pushes me out of the way and begins looking around the room frantically, looking under the bed and running in the bathroom.

"Where the fuck is she?" She screams with tears streaming down her face.

"Santana, who?" I ask her while following behind her, watching her flip the mattress of the bed so she could look under it again. "Santana, baby, who?"

"Don't baby me! Where the fuck is Samantha, she texted me a picture of you two in bed, I know she's here." She screams while going to the closet and opening the doors. "You lied! You said it was over between you two!"

I run behind her and grab her, hugging her around the waist. 'There's no one here, she sent you an old picture or a photshopped one." I tell her softly in her ear.

"Where the fuck is she?" She asks while choking on a sob.

I feel her body get limp as more sobs shake her body. "She's not here, I told you it's over with her. I just need more time to make it official, we talked and you agreed."

"You cheated on me!" Santana sobs. "I can feel it." She adds softly while coughing and sniffling.

She doesn't reply and tries to wiggle out of my arms. "Santana, baby, please relax."

She breaks free from grasps and jumps back away from me. "I can't do this Brittany..."

"Do what?" I ask her.

"I...I don't trust you." She whispers. "I can't be in a relationship where I don't trust my partner."

"I would never cheat on you." I tell her quickly.

"I'm sure you told Samantha that too." She says through tears.

I swallow the lump in my throat as my own tears start to fall. "Don't do this, please."

She takes a step back and wrings her wrists while sniffling. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

As she runs to the door and grabs the handle. I scream after her. "I love you! Baby, I love you, please don't go."

She stares at the door, and I watch her take a deep breath before opening the door and leaving.

It's over...

* * *

**Thoughts?  
**

**I am back on Tumblr at talksfanfic**


	6. Chapter 6

"Santana!" I hear Brittany scream as she runs down the hall after me. I reach to wipe the tears screaming out of my eyes but drop my hand and let them drip down my cheeks, and slide down my neck. "Please stop." She pleads softly. I hear so much emotion in her voice but I can't...I refuse to stop and look at her, because I know I'll see her beautiful blue eyes, rimmed in red, her cheeks will be flushed, and her bottom lip will quiver. I'll melt into her embrace and we'll end up in a long passionate kiss in the hall before she picks me up bridal style and we have slow and sensual sex for hours. I refuse to live that Lifetime movie and keep repeating this cycle, so I instead continue walking towards the elevators.

_We could walk away from this mess we made  
We could live and learn, set fire to this bridge and watch it burn  
We can act like it was not even really love in the first place, no_

I pause when I hear Brittany singing behind me. She always been super shy about her voice, even when we were just singing along to the radio in the car, she was always shy and sang quietly so I didn't hear her.

_We could throw out the pictures  
And throw our dreams away  
We could forget the words we were too afraid to say  
And we could live with the mistake, tearing us apart everyday  
We could let all the good just fade away_

I hear her voice crack slightly, I still refuse to turn around, even though I want to turn around and hug her tightly. My heart drops with every word because it's cutting my heart into shreds, I know she means every single word she singing. The relationship I was fully committed to turned into me sharing my partner, my love, my best friend, or so I thought, with her fuckin wife. Whether Brittany was there physically or not, with Samantha, I had to share her.

"Santana, please look at me." Brittany pleads once again. I shake my head and continue walking. I hear her footsteps and feel her rest her hands loosely on my shoulders to stop me from walking.

"Let me go." I croak out, while trying to hide the emotion in my voice.

She clears her throat and starts singing again.

_But I wanna stay and fight for you_  
_ Fight until my heart is black and blue_  
_ Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had_  
_ I wanna stay and fight for us_  
_ Fight like hell before I give up_  
_ 'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love_  
_ I'd fight for you_

"I'm fighting for you, Santana." She whispers. "I'm fighting for us."

"Brittany, please." I tell her as more tears stream out of my eyes.

_We could turn off our feelings  
And go about the days, put on a happy face  
Tell everyone that we're OK  
And we could just say you and me were probably never meant to be  
Or we could be nothing more than a memory_

I feel her kiss my neck and shudder from her touch, I choke on a sob and quickly cover my mouth. I hate myself for still loving her, I hate her for being so damn loveable, I hate Samantha for existing at this point. I hate everything including the whimpering sounds coming from my mouth as Brittany continues to sing.

_Cause we done went through the fire baby  
We still survived baby  
If you know where I stand, then, I'll be waiting  
Cause it'll never be my choice baby  
To give up on us really  
When it's so rare to find in the first place  
When you're the realest thing I've ever met_

I want to trust Brittany, I want to turn around and tell her _it's okay, I forgive you, I love you, baby, let's plan our forever_ but I can't. I start walking towards the elevators and frantically press the button, hoping by me pressing it non stop it'll come quicker.

"Santana...please just come back to my room so we can talk." Brittany sighs as the elevator door opens. I walk in and turn to press the button for the lobby when Brittany sticks her foot in to keep the doors from closing.

_I wanna stay and fight for you  
Fight 'til my heart is black and blue  
Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had  
I wanna stay and fight for us  
Fight like hell before I give up  
'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love  
I'd fight for you_

We lock eyes and my heart skips a few beats before finally dropping in my stomach, which is queasy. I don't know if I'm going to collapse in tears or vomit at this point so I simply cover my mouth with both hands as I start to cry uncontrollably.

"I'm fighting for us." Brittany says, her face now extremely red, her eyes swollen from crying, and her voice so full of emotion as she steps back and the doors start to close. "I'm fighting for us." She repeats as the doors close. Once she's out of view I sink to the floor and sob uncontrollably the whole elevator ride to the lobby. I lean forward and press the stop button right before I get the lobby. I curl in a ball in a corner and sob, like I've never cried before. I want to keep fighting for her too, but I don't know if I should.

* * *

**Two weeks later  
**

"That's all for today class, don't forget to meet with your assigned study groups over the weekend and work on your outline for the presentation. They are due Monday night at midnight, no exceptions." I state while looking around her lecture hall at my students. "I will extend my office hours by one hour today and on Monday as well to assist you, otherwise have a great weekend everyone."

I watch them nod and start to file out of the classroom so I turn and start to erase my board quickly. Out of the corner of my eye I see my phone flash on my desk; I ignore it not in the mood to talk to anyone at all. I have a two hour break before my office hours start so I just want to go to my office and catch a quick nap.I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, or the night before or hell since I broke it off with Brittany, again.

It's been two weeks since I barged in Brittany's hotel room and acted like a crazy person. That night after she sang to me in the hallway and bared her soul I walked outside to the courtyard of the hotel and tried to collect my thoughts. I saw the handsome pilot from the flight I met Brittany on, he was in one of the chairs quite a ways away from me but I could tell he was on his cell phone. He was singing what sounded like a lullaby before winking at the phone then talking to presumably his wife I'm assuming. When his call wrapped he started to head back inside, as he was walking past me he politely smiled and nodded at me, so I returned the smile back. My mind instantly went to visions of him and Brittany having sex because who knows what she does on her flights? I got a hotel room that night and cried myself to sleep, the next morning I woke up to over fifty messages from Brittany asking where I was, if I was okay, and her telling me she's still going to fight for us. I didn't reply to any of them, but I didn't delete them either, I still haven't. I read them every night, especially the texts where she texted me the lyrics to the song she sang.

Samantha now sits in the front row of class, staring at me, mocking me, taunting me, and playing these mind games...that I'm losing. She has a smug look on her face everyday when she comes to class, she knows she won, well she thinks she won. According to my text messages, and the almost nine dozen roses that were delivered to me this past weekend from Brittany, one for every month we've known each other, I don't think she full knows where Brittany's mindset is regarding their marriage, which know that I think about...I know nothing about. All I know is that Samantha is carrying her brother's child, and Brittany isn't too happy about it because she wants kids. Brittany has never told me any details about her marriage, I guess it's for the best anyways. I grab my purse and briefcase and head to my car, plans of grabbing a sandwich and salad so I can get to my nap on my mind.

I run to a nearby deli off campus and grab my lunch, I find a booth in the corner and decide to eat there while going through my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts, that I haven't used in a while. As I scroll through the news feed inbetween bites of my sandwich I notice I have a mutual friend with Brittany. Curiosity takes precedent and I click her profile, I immediately notice her profile picture is one that of her when we were in Vegas, we are on the roof of our hotel and the sunset is behind her, she looks gorgeous, I remember that night so vividly.

_"I love having a traveling companion now." Brittany smiles while sitting next to me on the bed in the hotel room.__ "It makes these three day long work trips so much better."  
_

_"Thanks for the invite baby." I smile at her while slipping my heels on. We landed in Vegas a few hours ago, Brittany met with her coworkers for lunch, while I took a nap, she woke me up with sex two hours ago and we fell back asleep afterwards. We decided to grab dinner on the strip before catching a show which is the only reason I'm awake, this bed is so damn comfortable._

_"I have a surprise for you." She leans over and whispers in my ear before kissing the shell of it._

_"Oh yeah." I turn and catch her lips before standing up and smoothing out my tight black dress. _

_We leave the room and I notice Brittany press the elevator for the top floor. I raise my eyebrow at her while lean back in her embrace when she winks at me and wraps her arms around my waist as she plants kisses on neck. I turn around in her arms and kiss her deeply, craving her at that moment. We reach the top floor and she holds my hand tightly while leading me to a staircase and up the stairs. _

_On the roof is a bottom of champagne in a bucket, and a long stem rose. I smile brightly but my heart always starts to pound because I think Brittany is proposing. She hands me the rose and pours us a glass of champagne. "A toast to love." She winks. "And to having a great night ahead of us. I love you, baby." _

_"I love you, too." I blush as we clink our glasses and take a sip. "This view is so beautiful." I turn and look over the horizon, a sense of contentment washing over me._

_"I have to get a picture of you with the sunset behind you." Brittany takes a long sip of her champagne and sets the glass down, she pulls her phone out of her purse and takes a series of pictures of me, we then switch and I take a bunch of pictures of her, before we take a final one, a selfie with the two of us.  
_

_"I have to get this framed." I smile at her. "We look hott as hell." I laugh while setting my glass next to Brittany's and throwing my arms around her neck, I feel her immediately grab my waist and pull me closer to her. _

_We lock eyes and I feel more in love with anyone than I ever have. I peck her lips as we lean our foreheads on each other, smiling like love struck puppies. Brittany reconnects the kiss as her hands travel down to my butt and squeeze firmly, I moan into her mouth and before I know it, we are having a quickie on the roof._

I stare at the picture before scrolling through her page and reading her status updates. Brittany and I never discusses Facebook, I never told her I had one mainly because I don't use it often, and she never mentioned it either. We follow each other on Twitter, but again I don't use it that often either. Now Instagram, I'm the selfie Queen, so that app gets most of my attention, I do follow Brittany on there but she usually only posts memes and scenic pictures from her flights, every now and again she'll post a selfie, but not often.

_**Having days like this are the worse.**_

_**I will stay and fight for you.**_

_**It's not over yet.**_

I set my phone down and think for a moment, I haven't talked to Brittany in a few days, she hasn't called or texted me; how do I know her statuses are about me? I toss my phone in my purse and finish my lunch in silence so I can head back to campus.

Once I get there I lie on my couch, staring at the ceiling when my phone goes off with a voicemail, which is weird since it didn't ring. I frown but play the message anyways.

__I wanna stay and fight for you  
Fight 'til my heart is black and blue  
Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had  
I wanna stay and fight for us  
Fight like hell before I give up  
'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love  
I'd fight for you__

_Santana, I'm not done fighting, I'm not giving up because I know you still love me baby, as much as I love, I'm sorry for hurting you, so, so sorry for hurting you. I served Samantha the divorce papers, I know it should have taken this long, and I'm looking for an apartment too. I just wanted you to know, please call me baby. I haven't heard from you and I'm worried. Call me._

I toss the phone down on the floor, as a small smile covers my face. "She served her the papers." I whisper. I know I shouldn't be too excited and I'm forcing myself to be, Brittany still lied to me, and it's unacceptable. I close my eyes to fall asleep when there's a knock on my office door. I roll my eyes because my office hours haven't started yet but then again when I announced it class I was extending them an hour I didn't say an hour earlier or later. I sit up quickly and grab my blazer off the end of the couch.

"One second." I grab my comb and run it through my hair before sitting down at my desk. "Come in."

I wait patiently as the door opens and fuckin Quinn Fabray walks in the office. "What the hell?!" I laugh as I stand up and hug her. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here, I teach a law class." Quinn states.

"Come on in, have a seat." I motion to her while stepping aside. "Why am I just finding out that you are back in New York?"

She runs her well manicured finger along my desk. and walks closer to me. "Because _you_ stopped talking to me, if we weren't sorority sisters I would swear you hated me." She sits on the edge of my desk so she's facing me, I watch her carefully as she leans forward and whispers in my ear. "We had a good run while it lasted." She kisses me on the temple and stands up. "But, we've grown up and moved on, and now we are settled in our careers, and I want us to call a truce. I've seen you out and about, you look happy and healthy, your body is still amazing, so I assume you still hit the gym four times a week, doing squats no doubt." She laughs. "Seriously you look great, if I even wanted a second chance with you, it would be worth the risk, _but_ I have a special person I'm seeing now, and I presume you have one as well." I squirm in my seat at the thought of Brittany. "I just want to make you us being on the same campus won't have you trying to jump on me every chance you get." She motions down her body at her tailored black pinstripe double breasted blazer, and her pleated skirt, that falls just above her knee. She then slowly takes a seat and locks eyes with me.

I lean back in my chair and stare at her. "Do you remember what happened between us?" I whisper harshly. "_If_ I did hate you, I have every reason to, but I don't hate you, I moved on, like you said, we've grown up, it's over."

Quinn smirks while crossing her legs slowly, she then carefully places her hands on her knees. "Great, because we need to be cordial to work together, all past feelings should be behind us, so the future isn't compromised."

"We are in two different departments." I tell her. "We don't work together., we'll actually probably never see each other, I mean we haven't until now."

"Oh we'll be working together, because your _girlfriend_ is divorcing my cousin." Quinn smirks. "I always knew you were a snake Santana, but dating a married woman, ruining a happy marriage, that's low...even for you. Just know that I plan to soak Brittany for everything damn penny she owns."

"What?" I ask her as my eyes widen.

She stands up and heads towards the door. "Every fuckin penny." She adds before slamming the door behind her.

* * *

**Thoughts?  
**

**I am back on Tumblr at talksfanfic**


	7. Chapter 7

**Friday 10pm**

Quinn _fuckin _Fabray! It's been a few weeks since Quinn came to my office at work and told me that she was Samantha's cousin and lawyer, causing my already mess of life to become more hectic. Quinn is a damn shark in the courtroom so I know she's going to serve Brittany her damn ass on silver platter. I thought about texting Brittany to warn her but I decided against it. I know she told me that she served Samantha divorce papers and that she's looking for a new apartment, but why the hell should I believe her? My goal is to just keep my distance physically since emotionally and mentally we are always together. I don't see Quinn often on campus at all, just like I suspected. We passed by one another in the library a few days ago, I gave a polite smile and left after making a few photocopies of the book I was looking through. I still haven't seen Brittany, I haven't contacted her, and her text messages and voice mails have died down from the Olympic sprint they were at to an extremely slow crawl. I guess it's safe to say...we are done.

I've been consumed with work, and my new hot yoga class that I go to constantly. Mercedes and Rachel have dragged me out to clubs and bars for drinks, hoping I meet a new girl to have a little fling with or maybe more; but I've been ended up drunk and alone every night when I get home. So tonight I want to just relax at home, I bought a bottle of tequila and made some mango margaritas, which I'm sipping on now, while making steak fajitas for dinner. I got an email from Netflix that they've added some new titles so I have a plan for tonight to watch some action movies and some comedies, anything that involves love is getting blocked so I don't watch it and torture myself with the _who, when, what, why, and how_ my fucking love life has turned by gold to black in a few months. I have Pandora playing from my Beats Pill while I slice up my vegetables when Selena Gomez's new song comes on and I stare at the speaker. I've been listening to it like crazy lately because it sums up exactly what I've been going through with Brittany since I found out she was married. I love her, I can't change that, my heart is yearning for her and probably always will, I can honestly say she's the love of my life but my brain is telling me to be smart, if she did it to Samantha, she'll do it to me. I sigh as the first verse starts and start to sing along.

_You got me sippin' on something  
I can't compare to nothing  
I've ever known, I'm hoping  
That after this fever I'll survive  
I know I'm acting a bit crazy  
Strung out, a little bit hazy  
Hand over heart, I'm praying  
That I'm gonna make it out alive_

I hate that every word is so true to my life right now. It wasn't just the sex I had with Brittany the first night I met her, it was something else about her., something that made me want to see her again. The way she smiled at me, the way she threaded her fingers through my hair after we had sex. The way she giggled while we talked about random things while lying in bed the next morning before she needed to leave for her flight. The way her heart touched my immediately; it was fate. Sex with her is amazing...we make love, honest and true love; well on my part it's honest. Damn Selena!

_The bed's getting cold and you're not here  
The future that we hold is so unclear  
But I'm not alive until you call  
And I'll bet the odds against it all  
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear  
You might be right but I don't care  
There's a million reasons why I should give you up  
But the heart wants what it wants_

All I think about when I lie down is how cold _her side_ of the bed is now, I don't expect that call or knock letting me know she's at the door, she had a key but wanted to see my face right away after trips sometimes, so she would patiently wait at the door. I hear everything Rachel, Kurt, and Mercedes have said to me, the advice they try to give me goes in one ear and out the other. I know they mean well, and they are probably right, but I can't control my heart. I just need everyone to let me figure this out with being bias, it's hard to try to explain it to them because all they see is the married woman who cheated on her wife to be with me. While I see something completely different when I look at Brittany, something that no one else can see because they don't know my heart.

_You got me scattered in pieces  
Shining like stars and screaming  
Lightening me up like Venus  
But then you disappear and make me wait  
And every second's like torture  
Hell over trip, no more so  
Finding a way to let go  
Baby baby no I can't escape_

Brittany has me so messed up in the head right now! I want her, I want her so bad but she broke him. Selena, dammit it girl, you are hitting it spot it. Brittany has me scattered in pieces. I set the knife down and hop on the counter next to the speaker and lean my elbows on my knees as I close my eyes and let the music really flow through my body. I'm literally torturing myself by sort of pining away for Brittany, but I can't help it.

_The bed's getting cold and you're not here  
The future that we hold is so unclear  
But I'm not alive until you call  
And I'll bet the odds against it all  
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear  
You might be right but I don't care  
There's a million reasons why I should give you up  
But the heart wants what it wants_

I need to give Brittany up, but I can't. I reach for my phone and for a split second I contemplate calling her. I wonder if she's in the city, or if she's working tonight. If she is flying I hope she's safe, I hope there isn't a shit load of turbulence. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" I scream loudly while jumping off the counter. "I have to forget about you." I tell my phone while tossing it down and beginning to pace the kitchen slowly nodding side to side to the song.

_This is a modern fairytale  
No happy endings  
No wind in our sails  
But I can't imagine a life without  
Breathless moments  
Breaking me down down down_

I sink to the floor and lean my head back against the cabinet door. "No happy endings." I mumble while rubbing my face harshly and screaming into my hands. "

_There's a million reasons why I should give you up  
But the heart wants what it wants_

I jump back to my feet and shake my body. "I'm over her." I sigh. "I'm over Brittany." I repeat while nodding for confirmation when the song changes to Beyonce's _711\. _"Time to party!" I smile while turning the speaker louder and dancing while slicing up my vegetables so I don't burn my oil.

* * *

A pitcher of margaritas and two steak fajitas later leaves me lounging on the couch falling asleep. I decide to call it a night and go to bed when my phone rings with a text. I stretch and grab it, bulging my eyes when I see it's a text from Quinn.

**FROM ICE QUEEN QUINN: I HAVE AN UBER COMING IN 30 MINUTES, GET DRESSED, YOU ARE MEETING ME FOR A DRINK. DRESS SEXY BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME AFTER A FEW MARTINIS ;)**

I cringe and shake my head before replying and sitting up straight, since the damn text clearly sobered me.

**TO ICE QUEEN QUINN: Fuck no!**

**FROM ICE QUEEN QUINN: RELAX I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH UYOU, BEEN THERE DONE THAT HAHAHA, SERIOUSLY GET DRESSED, I JUST WANT TO TALK. YOU HAVE 28 MINUTES NOW.**

I stare at the phone and sigh before rolling my eyes as another text comes through.

**FROM ICE QUEEN QUINN: COME ON SOROR! YES I'M TYPING IN CAPS BECAUSE IM YELLING. GET UP!**

I groan and toss the phone down before going to the bedroom to change. Luckily my hair and make up are done from work today, so I take off my jeans and shirt while I rummage through my closet and grab a navy blue skin tight wrap dress. I add my knee high black leather boots to the outfit and check my make up seeing where I need to touch it up. I run my fingers through my hair and stare at myself in the mirror. I grab my my jacket just as the Uber driver texts me to let me know they are out front. I knock back another shot and head downstairs.

The ride to wherever Quinn is taking me takes about 20 minutes, so I text Mercedes and Rachel to let them know that if Quinn kills me I was with her last and promise to check in on Foursquare so they know where I am. Rachel, who knows my history with Quinn makes me promise not to get too drunk so I don't kiss Quinn or wake up in bed with her the next morning. The driver stops at _Baylon_, a popular hookah bar. I hand him a tip and text Mercedes and Rachel my location before walking in the bar. I give the hostess Quinn's name. She smiles and leads me back to a private booth in the back that has sheer curtains around it, she pulls the curtain back, revealing Quinn, in a low cut dress.

"Miss Lopez, thanks for coming." Quinn smiles while standing and hugging me. I reluctantly hug her back and shudder slightly when she kisses me on the cheek and sits back down. "Have a seat." I watch her scan my body and smirk when I see her eyes brighten a little, a sure sign that I look amazing and her lady parts are burning right now. "Nice dress, I may have to break my second statement of not wanting to take you home." She teases.

"What's the deal Q?" I ask while taking off my coat and raising an eyebrow at her when she slides a dirty martini in front of me.

"I ordered you a martini, you still drink them dirty, I presume?" She asks while staring at me, her damn green eyes boring into mine.

"Yes, thanks." I nod and take a sip.

She arches her eyebrow and nods to the hookah. "It's watermelon and blue mist. There are extra tips." She points to the unopened tips on the table and lifts the hose to her mouth taking a long drag, I watch her carefully as my mind goes foggy, the only sounds are know the bubbling of the water from Quinn inhaling the hookah.

"Again, what's the deal?" I ask as she blows the smoke out of her nose and sets the hose down.

"Did you eat?" Quinn asks avoiding my question. "I can order dinner, tonight's on me."

"I ate." I reply curtly. "I made fajitas."

"With the special Lopez seasoning?" She asks as her eyes lit up. When we were _dating _Quinn, who can barely make grilled cheese, loved when I cooked, and me cooking anything Mexican turned her on beyond belief.

"Yep." I nod while taking a drag of the hookah, we lock eyes and stare each other down as I blow the smoke out. "Why did you kidnap me?"

"I think we should talk." She smiles.

"About...I avoid you at school for a damn reason." I tell her

"We are sorority sisters, we were once lovers, I want us to get back to being friends." She shrugs slightly while taking a sip of her drink, no doubt a rum and diet coke.

"Why?"

"Santana, I've always cared for you." Quinn replies. "I don't want this whole legal matter to get ugly."

"That's between you, Brittany, and Samantha." I shake my head. "I have nothing to do with that."

"Why did you go after a married woman?" Quinn asks in a very condescending voice, a little too damn condescending for me.

I knock back my martini and lean on the table. "Let's get this straight, once and for all. Brittany came on to me, I was under the impress she was single. I found out by stepping on her damn wedding ring one night after we had sex, so I didn't break up a happy home, hell I still don't know anything about Samantha, or about their marriage. So if you came to attack me about something I had no knowledge about, go straight to hell, where I'm sure a room is waiting for you." I snap while standing up.

She grabs my wrist. "Wait..."

"What?" I snap.

"Sit down." Quinn motions. "You always were high strung and super sensitive. I just want to talk and hang out."

I stare at her and snatch my wrist back from her. "My personal life or relationship with Brittany is none of your business, you're Samantha's lawyer, so either we talk as old friends or not at all."

"Fine, do you want to talk about the night you got drunk in Cancun or the night I got drunk in Vegas?" She asks with a smile. "Relax."

I sit back down and smirk. "Buy me another drink and let's talk about you getting drunk in Canada during our ski trip."

* * *

I finally make it home after a surprisingly good time catching up Quinn, a few of our other sorority sisters showed up, we gossiped about some of our sorority sisters and how amazing their lives are or how terribly awful their lives were. She filled me on her parents, and I did the same. It felt good to just relax and think and talk about something other than Brittany. As I'm walking down the hall I notice Brittany sitting against my apartment door and sigh.

She jumps up right away, I glance down at the luggage she has with her and assume she just got in from work, and dig in my purse for my keys. "You haven't been answering any of my texts or phone calls or anything, so I had no choice but to show up."

"Life is full of choices." I reply softly. "You had the choice to respect that I don't want to talk to you and leave me alone."

"Please don't say things like that." She whispers sadly.

I finally lock eyes with her and notice how pale she looks, the big bags under her eyes, the greyish blue color her eyes are; she just looks broken down and of course my heart drops. I reach up and cup her cheek. "Are you okay, you look sick?"

"Samantha threw me out of the house." She nods. "But I'm okay."

"Where have you been staying?" I ask her while dropping my hand from her face.

"A hotel." She shrugs. "I just got back in from a flying for three days, so I'm going to get another hotel right now, but I wanted to see you and make sure you're okay."

I stare at her and want to tel her how my life sucks without her, how I sometimes wake up in tears in the middle of the night, how thoughts of her consume meconstnatly, but I instead shrug. "I'm okay, busy with work and putting my life back together."

"Oh." She nods slowly before picking up her duffel bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Well, I better get going."

"You just got in?" I ask her while glancing at my watch and seeing it's after 1am.

"Yeah, I landed at eleven and came here right away." She explains.

I pull out my keys and unlock my door. "Did you eat dinner?"

"Not yet, I'll stop at McDonald's." She tells me.

"I made fajitas earlier for dinner, I have some left. Save your money." I tell her while pushing the door open and nodding for her to walk in.

She walks in slowly and sets her bags down by the door, but she doesn't move, she just stands like a statue. I walk in after her and hang my jacket up. "Don't be awkward, you've been here before, everything is in tupperware in the fridge. I need to pee, so I'll be back." I tell her while running to the bathroom.

I hear Brittany start to rustle some stuff around so I know she's making something to eat. I stare at myself in the mirror and sigh, wishing I had my bottle of tequila in the bathroom with me. I get myself together and walk back out to the living room and notice Brittany turned-on the lamps for me. I see her staring at the microwave and laugh softly.

"You, um, you aren't supposed to stare at a microwave, radiation or some shit will mess you up." I tell her as I walk in the kitchen.

"I'm starving." She smiles. "I can't help it, and it smells so good." The microwave dings so she quickly grabs the bowl out. "I miss your cooking." She says softly.

"Please don't..." I say above a whisper while walking past her into the kitchen and grabbing some shells to warm up for her. I quickly toast them and hand them to her on a plate with a bottle of water.

"I'll eat quickly then leave, don't worry." She states.

"How long have you been living in a hotel?" I ask her while walking to the living room and sitting on the couch, Brittany follows me and sits on the floor, setting her plate on the coffee table.

"Almost a month." She mumbles through a bite of her food.

"Do you have any places lined up?" I ask her while starting to pull my boots off.

"I've looked at a few, but with my traveling for work it's hard to have time to really look." She tells me.

"Well, you can stay here tonight." I reply through a yawn. "It's late and it doesn't make sense for you to get a hotel this time of night."

"Are you sure?" She asks me quickly.

"Yeah." I nod while taking my boots off and rubbing my legs, happy they can breath again. I notice Brittany stare at my legs and clear my throat. "I'm going to take my dress off."

"Did you have a date?" She asks so quietly that I barely caught it.

"No." I shake my head. "I was out with my sorority sisters." I clarify.

"Oh..." She nods.

I go to the bedroom and change in a tank top and a pair of yoga pants. I close my eyes tightly and roll my neck around as I stretch before walking back to the living room. "Come to bed." I say softly.

Brittany smiles softly and nods. "Ok, let me clean this up." She says.

I go lie in bed and wait for Brittany to come in, which does a few minutes later. She closes the door behind her and strips out of her clothes, I point to the yoga pants and shirt I set out for her and watch her get dressed for bed. She turns the light out and lies next to me and stares at me. I lean forward and press my lips to hers shakingly. She threads her fingers through my hair and deepens the kiss.

"You're confusing me." She says quietly.

"The heart wants what it wants." I tell her. "My heart wants you."

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	8. Chapter 8

Sleeping in on a Saturday is one of the luxuries of being an educator, I don't have work. I sigh and open my eyes slightly, Brittany is fast asleep next to me in bed, she's facing the other direction, but still has her arm resting on my waist, every so often in her sleep last night, she would start to rub my side soothingly in her sleep; which I of course melted into, in my mind it meant she was thinking of me in her subconscious. Brittany has been staying here the past month while she continues to find time to look for a place of her own. I would be lying if I said I didn't want her here, but the reality is I love when I come home and she's asleep on the couch, apartment brochures all around her, or when I smell dinner cooking as soon as I step inside, her dancing in the kitchen with the music blasting. Every cell in my brain is telling me this is wrong, but I love her, and I choose to let my heart win. Life at school has been back to normal, Samantha dropped my class, which I don't know if a good thing or her preparing for more disaster for me. Quinn and I have been back to being cordial to one another, since we work in different departments I really don't see her often, but I invited her to have lunch with me last week, which was cool and relaxing. We don't talk about Brittany or Samantha ever, one thing about Quinn is when she starts a case and is working on it, she's extremely professional. Brittany hasn't mentioned anything about court or meetings, or hell even having a lawyer, so maybe Quinn is just doing some consultations with Samantha? The whole mess gives me a headache and I try to avoid thinking about it if I can.

Brittany has been working like crazy this week, so she got home late Sunday, traveled Monday through Wednesday for work, got home late Thursday, and yesterday she covered someone's night flights, so she got in around midnight. I was already asleep, tired from a long week myself, I vaguely heard her take a shower, felt her slip in bed behind me, press a light kiss to my neck, my temple, and finally my lips before going to sleep herself.

"You're awake?" Brittany mumbles, turning over to face me.

"I just woke up." I nod to her. "Good morning."

"Morning." She smiles and blinks slowly, before leaning forward and kissing me. "How did you sleep?"

"Good." I yawn slightly. "You?"

"Perfect, you're in bed next to me." Brittany blushes and kisses me again. "I'll make us some coffee." She says, sliding out of bed.

"Thank you." I nod and sit up in bed, I turn on the TV so I can catch the Saturday morning news, and more importantly the weather since we are going to do some apartment visits today for Brittany. I glance at my phone and see a few text messages from Rachel, with apartment vacancy leads, since she is more than against Brittany and I living together, a picture text from Quinn of one of our sorority sisters Facebook status, indicating she was having a hard time with her husband- which Quinn captioning the text with dollar signs, an indication she's going to try to represent her, I roll my eyes and toss my phone down, but Quinn will _always_ be a snake. I think she trolls Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter looking for signs someone might need legal representation.

"Coffee, and I made some toast for you, with Nutella, and sliced bananas." She hands me the plate and sets the mug on the table next to my bed. She then leaves the room and comes back with a mug for herself, and a stack of papers in her hand.

I stare at how cute she looks, her hair is all over her head, her cheeks tinged with pink, an indication she was rubbing them harshly as she waited for the coffee to finish brewing, and her tank top is ruffled and twisted around her waist. She tosses the stack of papers on the bed before carefully climbing back in. I toss the cover back over her lap and kiss her neck.

"Thank you for the coffee." I smile. "And the toast." I add kissing her again, this time smiling when she turns her head so I catch her lips.

"You don't have to come with me today if you don't want, I know you've been busy with school this week, and you like to relax on Saturdays." Brittany says quietly, taking a sip of her coffee and organizing her stack of apartment listings.

"You don't want me to go?" I ask softly.

Brittany quickly looks up. "Of course I do, I'm just saying if you are tired or whatever you don't have to, I don't want you to feel obligated to go."

"Brittany, I don't feel obligated to ever do anything with you, everything I do is because I want to, because I love you." I shake my head. "I thought you knew that."

"Our relationship isn't the best, and it's because I've fucked up, and I started it under false pretenses..."

I stare at her, and while I want to nod and scream out _yes!_ I don't, I grab her hand and allow her to finish.

"I can say I'm sorry one million times, but it's just words. I'm more focused on actions now, which I why I served Samantha the papers." Brittany says. "I want to make this right, I swear I do."

"Brit, baby, remember two weeks ago when we were talking when we walked through the park?" I ask, and wait for her to nod. "We said we would just focus on us, and on the future, I know you're going through a divorce and yeah I was hurt when I found out you were married, I was hurt the _way_ I found out you were married." I sigh and grab her hands. "I just want to move forward with you. I tried hating you, I tried ignoring you, I even tried convincing myself I don't need you in my life; but I do."

"I need you too." Brittany smiles softly. "I love you, Santana."

"I love you too." I reply as I lean forward and kiss her. "We can look for apartments as long as you want today." I assure her. "It doesn't bother me, then we can have a relaxing romantic night here, I'll cook dinner, we can listen to some music and just relax."

"Sounds perfect." Brittany nods.

* * *

We've been looking at apartments for over three hours, and have seen around ten or so. Now I can admit I have no idea how much money Brittany makes, but she did tell the realtor that a few were out of her price range. We found a great one bedroom, one and half full bath loft, it had high ceilings, hard wood floors and moldings; it was great, hell I want to move in there myself, but as with the other apartments, Brittany found something wrong with it. I want to believe she's honestly searching for a great apartment but a part of me, feels like she truly isn't.

"Well I'll let you two look around this one a little more, I need to make a quick call to set up for the next viewing." The realtor, Frank, tells us with a smile.

"This has a great view." I smile and walk over to the windows.

"Yeah, it's okay." I hear Brittany reply.

I turn and glance at her and see her taking pictures of the space. I grab her hand and lead her upstairs to where the bedroom is. "You can put your bed here against the wall, get some cool lamps for this corner, a set of mirrors here on this wall." I tel her excitedly. "Like those differnet shape ones."

"Do you really like it?" She asks quietly.

"Yeah I do." I tell her honestly. "This is great B, I would live here."

"You would live here with me?" She then asks.

"If the circumstances were different, and we were in a different space in our lives, yes." I nod.

"Okay," She kisses me on the cheek and turns around, scanning the bedroom.

I can't tell if I hurt her feelings or if she's deep in thought. I decide she's just picturing the layout of the room I came up with, or maybe putting together her own blueprint in her head. I turn and look over the balcony to the living room, and try to think of some ways to organize it.

"Santana, I love you, so much." Brittany tells me.

I smile and turn around to let her know how much I love her, but I freeze and gasp when I see she's on one knee. "What are you..."

"I've loved you since the moment I saw you I think, I feel like you were made just for me by the heavens, I know things are complicated between us, they are a little confusing; but I'm not confused about this at all. I love you so much, you make me feel a way no one ever has, a way no one ever will. We belong together baby, I love your smile in the morning with your bed hair while you squint, I love how excited you get when you figure out the smallest thing, I love when we are watching TV and you fall asleep on the couch and you curl into me in your sleep. You're drawn to me, me to you." She smiles as she opens the black velvet box in her hand and reveal a huge diamond engagement ring. "I know you love me, I can feel it in our hugs and even the innocent kisses we exchange. I've put you through hell and back the past few months; but that all changes right now in this moment. Will you marry me?" She asks.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and sigh. "This is the proposal I've been waiting for my whole life, but you're married Brittany."

"I'm going through a divorce."

"But by law, you are still married." I shake my head. "It's bad enough we are still dating and having sleeping together, and basically living together." I kneel down and close the box. "I can't." I tell her, letting the tears stream down my face. "I can't."

"Why?" Brittany asks sadly and opens the box again, this time taking the ring out and trying to slip it on my finger. "Marry me, please."

"So you can cheat on me too?" I ask and immediately regret it when her eyes widen then drop. She nods and sets the ring back in the case and stands up quickly.

"Let's go check out the next place." She says harshly as she makes her way down the stairs.

"Fuck!" I groan.

* * *

The rest of the day apartment hunting wasn't weird, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either. We saw six or seven more places, Brittany keeping a detailed log with the pictures she took so she could decide. When we got back to my place it was around 5pm, Brittany immediately went to take a shower, saying she needed to warm up from the rigid temperature outside. I decided to give her some space so I started dinner and opened a bottle of wine, she left her cell phone in the living room, so when it kept ringing I went over to make sure it wasn't her job calling her into work. I saw it was Samantha and rolled my eyes, even though I have no reason to be upset, that is her wife. I toss the phone back on the table and move to my liquor cabinet and take a shot of something a little stronger.

I wonder if this is what my life would be like it if I accepted Brittany's ring, would Samantha go away that easily? If she's this damn annoying as a pregnant woman, I can only imagine the hell she would put me through, put us through, when she has the baby and can do so much more. Saying no to the proposal was one of the hardest things ever to do. The ring was perfect, the emotion in Brittany's words and eyes was perfect, I felt her love fill the room...but she's married. Everything will always come down to her being married; always.

"Mind if I have a glass?"

I turn around and see Brittany standing in the kitchen. "Of course, baby." I nod and pour a glass of wine for her. She looks so cute yet sad, her hair is still wet but in a bun on top of her head now, she has on a long sleeve black tshirt and a pair of banana print pajama pants, her eyes look so sad. I walk over to her and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her into me. "Look at me." I request. She sighs and locks eyes with me. "My no, wasn't a forever no today, it's more like a not right now." I explain. "You have to get through this divorce and get things situated and I don't want to complicate anything any further. You're right, I do love you, but we have to be smart and patient with this."

Brittany nods. "I understand."

"Okay." I tell her and wrap my other arm around her waist to, pulling her closer into my body. "We have to be patient, our love won't fade if we wait a little while."

Brittany smiles. "I love you Santana, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in this world. All I know about you and I is that because of that, I think anything's possible. You're going to be my wife one day...I'm not worried."

"Is that so?" I laugh.

"Yes." She nods and winks at me. She then leans down and presses her lips to mine. The kiss deepens slowly and in a blink of an eye, Brittany is lifting me on the counter and standing between my legs, taking my shirt off. She quickly tosses my shirt and bra to the side and begins to kiss down my chest and around my breast nice and slow, her hands working on unbuttoning my jeans. She then palms my breasts and begins to massage them, looking deep in my eyes. I lean down and kiss her, sucking her bottom lip in my mouth before surrendering my tongue to hers and allowing her to control the kiss.

"Lift up." She rasps, kissing down my stomach and licking just above my panty line. I follow her command and lift up just enough for her to slip my pants and panties down in a fluid swipe. She kisses my thighs and spreads my legs open, wasting no time tasting me.

"Oh Brit!" I moan as I lean back on my elbows and my head falls back. She's taking long, deep strokes inside of me, her tongue touching every single inch of my core. She lifts my legs over her shoulders and starts to pump into me quickly. I sit up and grab her hair as I pant heavily and moan loudly. "C-close." I squeak out. Brittany pumps faster and wraps her lips around my clit, sucking just hard enough that I scream loudly and pull her hair when I climax and come. She keeps licking me, to clean me up, she then carries me to the couch and lies me down. I watch her quickly strip her own clothes off and lie back on me. I wrap my leg around her waist as she starts to grind into me, kissing down my neck.

"I love you." She whispers in my ear. "I'll wait forever for you." She adds.

I turn her head and kiss her. She won't have to wait forever for me, just until the divorce is final and we can be an out and proud couple. I want to be able to walk around and hold Brittany's hand in New York, sure we did in other cities but that's only because no one knew us there, we never really went out here, and come to think of it we still don't. Marriage is sacred to me, my parents have been married forever, and I was raised in the belief that it's not something you take lightly, so if Brittany does see marriage in the future for us, like I once did, then we need to have a serious conversation about it.

"You feel so good." She hums in my ear. I sink my nails in her back as rock up into her, turning us on her sides. We start to basically pound into each other, kissing one another hungrily, until Brittany's body freezes and she climaxes, I keep rocking until I climax as well. We continue kissing, our bodies tangled in one another, our hands roaming the other's back.

"That was unexpected." I laugh when we finally break the kiss.

"Our love has been unexpected since the start." She blushes. "That's what makes it work."

"Very true." I nod and kiss her again.

* * *

**Brittany POV**

I wake up from someone knocking on the door, I see Santana stir in her sleep, a frown instantly on her face from the noise, but she doesn't move at all. I look over her at the time and see it's a little after midnight. After dinner we decided to watch movies in bed and just relax, which led to a few rounds of sex, and Santana being asleep since around nine. The knocking picks up again, so I kiss Santana's furrowed eyebrows.

"Who the fuck is at the door?" She sighs and opens her eyes slowly.

"I'll check, go back to sleep." I tell her. I slip out of bed and grab the first sweatshirt I see and leave the bedroom quickly.

I open the door and feel the blood drain from my face when I see Samantha's crazy ass cousin, Quinn. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Brittany, I should be asking you the same thing, being a married woman and all." Quinn raises her eyebrow at me and slowly takes her leather gloves off. "My ex lover, sorority sister, and coworker, Santana, lives here right?" She then asks with a smirk.

"Ex lover?" I ask. "What?"

"Oh Santana." Quinn laughs and steps inside. "She never told you about us? We dated and fucked all over New York." She looks around the apartment and nods. "She still has impeccable taste...her apartment back then..."

"Get out, now!" I snap quickly at her.

"Ah ah ah." She shakes her head and finger at me. "Santana left these in my car last week after we had lunch, or did she leave them in my condo...hmmm don't remember."

What? Why the hell is Santana having lunch with her ex lover? I feel my blood boiling, and it's taking everything for me not to snatch Quinn by the collar, she's always been a thorn in my ass when it came to Samantha, and now she's no different.

"Would you be a dear and give them to her?" Quinn walks over to the coffee table and neatly sets them down, patting them after. "She loves red leather gloves." She smiles. "Oh, and tell her I'll try to keep her promise of not dragging her into court during your divorce."

"What?"

"Oh, damn, am I talking out of turn again? I'm Samantha's lawyer." She laughs softly. "I told Santana about it almost two months ago, I assumed you knew."

I open my mouth and close it quickly, my hands in tight fists at my sides.

"Santana Lopez is a great woman, intelligent, beautiful, independent..." Quinn winks at me and walks back towards the open door. "You kept a secret from her about your marriage, and apparently I was supposed to be a secret to you." She slowly brushes a piece of hair out of her face, and places her finger tips over her mouth. "Oopsie." She laughs and walks out the door.

I walk over to it and slam it door loudly.

"What was at the door?" Santana asks sleepily as she trudges to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water.

"Are you sleeping with Quinn?!" I yell at her.

She spits out her water everywhere and just stares at me.

* * *

**Thoughts?**

**tumblr - talkfanfic**


	9. Chapter 9

"What did you just ask me?" I ask Brittany after I set my water down and walk towards her.

"Are you fucking Quinn Fabray?!" She all but yells at me.

"Why the fuck would you ask me that?" I snap at her. "How the hell do you know Quinn?"

"She's Samantha bitchy ass cousin." Brittany replies. She stares at me, she then turns and picks up a pair of gloves off the table. "I'm asking because Quinn just left here, at fuckin midnight, to drop them! She said you left them after leaving her condo? You had lunch with her? You knew she was Samantha's lawyer?"

Fuckin Quinn! "Yes, I had lunch with her, we are old friends. Yes, I went to her condo for a drink one night, and yes, I knew she was Samantha's lawyer."

I watch Brittany's eyes redden and start to water.

"No, I didn't sleep with her." I add as she turns and walks away. "I didn't sleep with her, _but _if I did, you couldn't really judge me, now could you?"

"You can't keep holding it over my head that I'm married." Brittany screams in my face. "We know I am, I've apologized to you over and over for that, we can't move forward if you don't forgive me."

I glare at her. "I d-do."

"No you don't." Brittany shakes her head. "You say it, and you want to convince yourself of it, but you don't."

"I'm trying." I tell her. "I'm really trying."

"So you gave me hell for being married, but you're out parading around with your ex lover! How is that fair?" She asks angrily, throwing the gloves on the ground.

"You're fuckin married!" I scream at her. "I stepped on your wedding ring, your fuckin wedding ring after we had sex," I hiss. "You can't possibly compare me hanging out with an old friend to the shit you did."

"You slept with her." Brittany shook her head sadly.

"Yes, years ago when we were in college. I did not sleep with her when I went to her condo, we are sorority sisters, we had a few glasses of wine and just talked, she works at NYU with me, she's a lecturer there now. I don't have to tell you about every fuckin friend I have, or every woman I've ever slept with." I brush past her and go to the bedroom.

"Why are the rules different for you?" Brittany asks as she follows me back to the room.

I ignore her and get back in bed. "You said you know Quinn as Samantha's bitchy ass cousin right?" Brittany crosses her arm over her chest and nods. "Then you know she's a bitch, whatever she said to you is a lie, if she implied we had sex or did anything other than hug hello, which I do to everyone, then she's mind fuckin you, and you fell for it. I didn't sleep with her, unlike you I've been faithful to this relationship, or whatever we are doing now." I glare at her and roll my eyes before lying back down.

"Why didn't you tell me she was Samantha's lawyer?" Brittany asks.

"She's your family, why didn't you assume she was her lawyer?" I ask, sitting back up. "I'm not in your divorce, I don't want to be a part of it at all, it doesn't concern me, that's your business."

"Then why are you talking to Quinn about it?" Brittany challenges.

"I'm not!" I yell as I get back out of bed and walk over to her. "Shit." I sigh. "Quinn approached me at work, I hadn't talked to or seen her in years, we ended our relationship on terrible terms, it was a shock to me, we chatted and it turned into her letting me know she was Samantha's cousin, and her lawyer. I didn't tell you because I don't want any part in this divorce, hell I try to forget you have a fuckin wife." I take a deep breath. "I'm not arguing with you tonight." I roll my eyes and grab a pillow off the bed and storm to the couch, where I lie down.

Brittany follows me out a few minutes later and kneels in front of me, she brushes the hair out of my face and presses a soft kiss there. "Come back to bed."

"No, I can't keep arguing, I don't want to argue." I shake my head. "I'm pissed right now, and just want to sleep, please just leave me alone." I close my eyes tightly and turn to face the couch. I feel Brittany start to pick me up. "Dammit, put me down!"

"I will in a few seconds." She sighs, she bends down and grabs my pillow and carries me to bed, gently tossing me in it; she hands me the pillow and walks to her side of the bed and slips in. "Good night."

I don't reply and instead just stare up at the ceiling.

* * *

The next morning when I wake up, Brittany is walking back in the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, freshly showered. "I'm going to go for a run this morning." Brittany states quietly.

I nod at her. "Okay, do you want breakfast first or?"

"No thanks." Brittany smiles. "Go back to sleep."

I watch her change into a pair of leggins and an under armor thermal. "Can I use your ipod armband?" She asks.

"Yeah, of course." I yawn and get out of bed. I go to my drawer and pull it out, handing it to her.

"Thanks." She leans down and kisses me. I cup her cheek and deepen the kiss a little before breaking it. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, so don't wait for me to have breakfast if you're hungry."

"Okay." I know that means that Brittany needs to think, so I decide to call my support system and see if they'll do brunch with me. After Brittany leaves the apartment I get dressed myself and send out my text message, telling everyone it's my treat, and smile when the replies all come in.

* * *

"I just don't know how long I can keep doing this, the up and down with my emotions is draining me." I shrug.

"We know your heart is telling you to stay and work it out with Brittany, but what is your brain telling you?" Mercedes asks, taking a sip of her mimosa.

"Hopefully to run like hell." Kurt chimes in.

I roll my eyes at him and shove a forkful of hashbrowns in my mouth.

"Listen, I know you don't want to hear it, but I'll be the voice of reason and common sense here." Kurts states, he clears his voice when I stare at him. "Brittany is a lovely person, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's charismatic, but aside from all of that...she's a cheater, hun. The same way you got her is how you'll lose her."

"I didn't force her to cheat, I didn't know." I reply quickly.

"I'm not saying you did, but how can you be so sure that one day _you_ won't get approached by a woman she's sleeping with." He asks. "Do you honestly trust her, didn't you go all jealous girlfriend and bust in her hotel room?" He asks raising an eyebrow. I quickly glare at Rachel, since she's the only one that knew about that. "I'm not judging you or Brittany." He continues. "I just want you to think about this, do you honestly trust her? If you don't then you don't need to be with her."

"I love her so much." I say quietly. "So, so much, and I know she loves me; but the arguing..."

"You know what you need to do." Rachel tells me. "I know you babe, I know you, and you aren't truly happy right now. I know you love her, we all do, it's plain as ever, but you aren't happy, and love isn't supposed to hurt, this is hurting you."

I know everything they are saying is true, and yes I know what I need to do, but it's a matter of what I want to do at this point. After brunch I go back to the apartment and see Brittany lying on the couch listening to her earbuds, she smiles at me and sits up when I walk over towards her.

"Can we talk?" I ask.

"Yeah." She turns her music off and tosses it on the table.

"I think you should move out and we should break up." I ramble out quickly before I lose the nerve.

"Wh-what, why?" Brittany asks. "Because of last night? I'm sorry, about accusing you of sleeping with Quinn. I'm just on edge right now, and I'm sorry."

"It's not just that." I sigh. " You need to focus on your divorce, focus on your life right now, I can't keep arguing I can't get going back and forth with my emotions, it's not fair to either of us. My heart wants you, but my brain is shooting up red flags all over. I need some time and space right now."

"I don't get a say in this?" Brittany asks.

I shake my head and stand up. "No, I um, I got some boxes for your things." I point to the stack of boxes I have by the door. "I'm sorry." I tell her as I walk back to the door. "I'm going to leave for a little bit, please pack up all of your stuff and leave, it's better for us this way, so much better."

Brittany stares at me with the most confused face in the world. I can't take it so I turn and leave the apartment, I lean on the door and sigh since as soon as I blink tears comes streaming out.

* * *

Two hours later I come back to my apartment, with Rachel who goes straight to the bedroom, and waits for me to talk to Brittany. When we pulled up I saw the cab outside full of boxes, and bags. Brittany is standing in the living room, a duffel bag at her feet. She hands me my key when I stand in front of her.

"I love you, always will." Brittany sniffles and picks up the last bag, she stares at me, her eyes a sad shade of blue, rimmed in red. "I love you." She exhales again. I watch her bottom lip start to quiver. "I love you." She repeats.

I break our gaze and wring my wrists together, my own tears cascading down my face. "We can't, I c-can't." I whisper. "I can't do this anymore."

Brittany drops her bag and grabs my hands. "Tell me you still love me."

"Love isn't enough." I tell her, lifting my head to look at her again. She shakes her head and starts to mouth words inaudibly before the sound finally starts to come out and I can tell she's singing to me.

_I wanna stay and fight for you_  
_Fight 'til my heart is black and blue_  
_Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had_  
_I wanna stay and fight for us_  
_Fight like hell before I give up_  
_'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love_  
_I'd fight for you_

"Am I the only one in love?" She asks me.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be." I sniffle and take my hands back from her.

"Fine." Brittany nods and wipes her eyes harshly. She picks up her bag again and steps closer to me, she ghosts her lips over mine, barely letting them touch, I feel her labored breathing on my lips, and for a split second I consider changing my mind and pulling her into a hug, kissing all over her face; but I keep my composure and take a step back from her. I see Rachel, who came over for support standing in the guest bathroom doorway, giving us some privacy but still listening to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I lick my lips when she steps back and stares at me again, tasting her for one last time; but this time her lips taste different. They taste forbidden, angry, sad, remorseful, everything negative in life. I glance at Rachel, who nods in support of me and wipe my eyes. "You should go." I tell Brittany quietly.

"You broke us!" I scream at her, tears clouding my eyes. "This is all your fuckin fault, don't you try to deny it."

"You keep bringing me back to you! You're hot and cold! Make up your mind. I love you, you love me!" Brittany yells back, her face just as red. "If you let me go this time, do it for good!"

I stare at her and bite my quivering bottom lip. I watch as she wipes her face and stares at me.

"I…"

"Good bye Santana." Brittany leaves the slams the door to the apartment, and I instantly feel sick to my stomach. Rachel jumps up and grabs me as I start to hunch over, grabbing my stomach. I refuse her help and walk over to the couch, and bend over as tears take over my body. I glance up at Rachel, who knows I need more than anything to be left alone so she goes to the window and looks out at Brittany, who is more than likely loading her last few bags and boxes in the cab. I sniffle and start to sing softly.

_Tell me when I can open my eyes_  
_ I don't want to watch you walk out that door_  
_ There's no easy way to get through goodbye_  
_ I'd probably try and talk you into staying once more_  
_ Or I'd lie and say it's all for the best_  
_ Wish you luck and say I have no regrets_  
_ But I'm not up to being strong_  
_ So I'll wait until you're gone_  
_ Is it over yet, is it over yet?_

I sniffle and shake my head when Rachel locks eyes with me. "Oh San."

_A taxi's waiting in the driveway for you_  
_ You call my name, I guess your ready to leave_  
_ I'd like to help you with a suitcase or two_  
_ But I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up down on my knees_  
_ I should tell you that I want you to go_  
_ I really need to spend some time on my own_  
_ Smile and say goodbye_  
_ So you don't see me dying inside_  
_ Is it over yet, is it over yet?_

I choke on a sob and stand up, walking over to the window. Rachel rests her hand on my shoulder, so I sniffle and lean on her for support, thankful she's there with me. She pulls me closer to her and holds me around the waist. "There's still time to get her back." I shake my head against her chest as tears continue to fall.

_I should lie and say it's all for the best_  
_ Wish you luck and say I have no regrets_  
_ But I'm not up to being strong_  
_ So I'll wait until your gone_  
_ Is it over yet, is it over yet?_

"Is it really over?" I whisper.

"Yeah it's over." Rachel replies. "Her cab just left."

I turn in Rachel's waiting arms and break down completely. I couldn't even watch the cab drive away, my heart feels like someone ripped out and is stomping on it. I let out a heart wrenching sob as Rachel slides to the floor with me, she doesn't say a word, she just holds me tightly.

* * *

**8pm**

I finally wake up from my phone ringing and open my eyes. They are so sore and weak from crying that they actually fuckin hurt. I look around at my surroundings and realize that I'm on the couch. Rachel left a few hours ago, after I promised her I was okay, which was clearly a lie. As soon as she left I collapsed on the couch and cried myself to sleep. As perfect as Brittany and I were for each other, she was married, and our relationship started as a lie, which forever taints it. As much as I tried to convince myself I was okay with it, I wasn't. I reach over and grab my phone in the pitch black apartment and see it is a message from Brittany.

**FROM BRITTANY: I'll wait forever for you**

I swallow thickly. "I know you will." I whisper and stare at her text.

* * *

**Brittany POV**

I stare at the phone and wait for some type of reply from Santana, one I don't even know if I'll receive. When I walked out of Santana's apartment this afternoon, I knew it was a mistake, but I also know she needs some time. Time that I never gave her, time I never allowed her to process what was going on. I fell for Santana the moment I laid eyes on her, and I went after her, I wasn't truthful, I wasn't completely honest, but my feelings were all true and real. I love her with my whole heart, I know she can feel it, but she needs this time.

I look around at the hotel room I'm in and fall back on the bed, closing my eyes tightly when my phone chimes with a message. I sit back up and see Santana replied to me.

**FROM SANTANA: I won't make you wait forever.**

I can't help the smile on my face and set the phone back down, flopping back down myself and staring at the ceiling.

_Cause we done went through the fire baby_  
_We still survived baby_  
_If you know where I stand, then, I'll be waiting_  
_Cause it'll never be my choice baby_  
_To give up on us really_  
_When it's so rare to find in the first place_  
_When you're the realest thing I've ever met_

_I wanna stay and fight for you_  
_Fight 'til my heart is black and blue_  
_Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had_  
_I wanna stay and fight for us_  
_Fight like hell before I give up_  
_'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love_  
_I'd fight for you_

"I love you too much to give up on you, Santana."

* * *

**The END  
**


End file.
